It's a good day to hug Daddy

Daddy plays ball with triplets

I know it's not Father's Day, but it's still a good day to hug Daddy. If you have someone who's a great father to your kids - it's worth giving him a hug (or if a hug is awkward, at least a genuine thank you - like I will do with Lotte's dad).

Why the sudden concern about fathers? The past week has brought up the fragility of life for me - only this time through many losses of fathers of young children. Let's start with Trevor Slot from West Michigan on Thursday, Oct. 13. The life of a police officer is always subject to some measure of danger, but Trevor's typical work activities had him working as a court officer. That Thursday, however, Trevor left his duties to respond to a call, and unfortunately it was the last call he ever responded to. The two suspects fleeing from a bank robbery apparently aimed their vehicle directly at Trevor as he set up stop sticks on the road. He was run over by the vehicle and killed. He left a wife and two young daughters.

Next up is Kevin Bruins, who went missing on Saturday, Oct. 15. He loved to jet ski and when the waves on Lake Michigan got big that Saturday, he decided to enjoy them. Although a highly experienced water athlete, Kevin apparently got into some trouble when he didn't have a buddy nearby. He went missing without anyone realizing it until the middle of that night. His body wasn't found until early the next week. He left a wife and three young sons.

The national news on Sunday, Oct. 16, showed the horrific Indy car crash which took the life of Indy Car driver Dan Wheldon. Certainly race car drivers know that any race could end in tragedy, but Dan was apparently very passionate about safety. In fact, he had helped test a new and safer Indy car that will come out next year. The racing world is still mourning Dan and he left behind a wife and two young sons.

So many stories of Daddies leaving children behind. I feel bad for each of those children. I can't imagine losing my own dad at all, let alone at so young an age. It makes me grateful for Tripped Up Daddy, the daddy to my triplets and stepdad to my teen. It makes me grateful for Lotte's dad too and all the ways he parents her.

Yes, today, and maybe in fact, every day is a good day to hug a daddy.

Last day as a mother

What if today was your last day as a mother? Huh? How does that work?

You know those universal existential moments when you ask the deep questions about life? For some reason I always get into that mode right before April Fool’s Day.

Weird, right? Is this some sort of uncanny reference back to when my ancestors were reportedly court jesters? Although no one’s shown me any documentation to indicate that story has any measure of truth. Perhaps it’s a subconscious way of saying something as wise as King Solomon, you know the “all is vanity” stuff from Ecclesiastes. I don’t know, I just know it happens every year.

This year’s angst seems somehow deeper. I’m sad today, although most of my coworkers would be unaware of it, and my family probably won’t notice it much either. Tragedy has hit my world, but since it’s outside my door - maybe even down the street a little - it almost makes it easy to ignore, almost.

A woman a few years younger than me, pregnant with her third child and mother of identical twins under 2-years-old, died unexpectedly this March. She was far enough along so the doctors could deliver her baby, but after a week or so in critical condition the baby died as well. A father is now left alone - alone to grieve the loss of his wife and newborn - alone with the inconceivable task of raising his twins by himself while hoping he can provide them with some knowledge of their mother.

I don’t know this family at all really. I only know of the story because the mother and I happened to both be members of a local mother of multiples group. She and I had never met. Yet, here I am, unable to shake my sorrow and grief for this family. I’ve begun to hold my daughters a little tighter. Those mother/teen conversations sometimes taken for granted have greater meaning lately. Even casual comments between Tripped Up Daddy and me about mundane things seem to hold more value right now.

Then come the practical “what if” questions and before you ask, yes, we will be getting the guardian/will stuff in order (the stuff we’ve talked about but never really followed through on).

Right after the practical questions, come all the other deep questions. If for some reason my parenting stopped today, would I be satisfied with what I’ve instilled in my girls so far? Tough question, but maybe one worth asking. It makes me evaluate the moment more - makes me look more seriously at priorities. That’s the personal, our family stuff, the “am I representing my faith well,” the “do my kids know I love them,” type of questions.

Then I get more global. Recently, I read an essay that indicated a U.S. woman giving birth today has a greater chance of dying than her mother did. It was a new thought for me. I don’t know how accurate the information is, but it sure made me think.

Then I thought about all the cuts going on in Congress and how that will affect mothers and children - especially those currently in poverty or on the edge of it. Sometimes I get tired and disillusioned when I look at all the issues in the world - from Japan’s tragedy to failing states, from world issues of poverty and corruption to the people who can’t find work right here in my own state. Sometimes it just seems like way too much for anyone to handle and it makes me want to run and hide (or maybe just live in denial).

Then I remember that I’m not responsible for changing the world. I am responsible for taking action and for training my children to love well and live in the present moment with compassion. But God never asked me to do more than take one step at a time.

I’m in the midst of a Lenten prayer experiment - praying for a dream, praying for a big dream that I believe God wants me to pursue. Not exactly sure what that means yet, but mostly I think it means being willing to take a step - a step toward helping others and a step toward Jesus at the same time.

So maybe that’s my answer - it’s Lent, and I’m reflective. Here’s hoping my deep questions bring some action that will help others - one step at a time.