Tell me your 5 moments

I've never had my life flash before my eyes, but if it ever did, I think these 5 moments would have to be included.


1. September 11, 1996 - The day I had my first baby - when Lotte was born. I'll never forget when I heard that first cry. It was amazing, after a very rough labor and delivery story ending in an emergency c-section, I heard my baby cry. I had never felt a better moment than right then.


2. September 11, 2001 - It started with a birthday breakfast for my 5 year old - before work, before kindergarten. By 11 a.m. the whole world had changed and I remember going to visit her at daycare "just to get grounded." She was with her dad that evening, and I had just started dating a guy a week earlier who happened to be of Middle Eastern descent. It was a weird time and that relationship didn't last through the weirdness. 


3. June 23, 2006 - This was the most beautiful day anyone had ever seen for an outdoor wedding. Tripped Up Daddy and I married that day and Lotte played us a beautiful rendition of "Simple Gifts" on her violin during the ceremony. We gave her a sapphire necklace after we exchanged our rings - it was a surprise and her smile was worth every effort of keeping that secret.


4. June 23, 2008 - "You have 3 healthy babies - all girls - and they are growing very nicely right now." This is what I remember from that 2 year wedding anniversary. That was when we learned the very high risk pregnancy we had feared would be ending, was now going well and would bless us with 3 beautiful baby girls.


5. November 18, 2008 - It was the sudden cry of Angel triplet that pierced the operating room first, then Princess, and Sunshine didn't cry at all at first (don't worry, she's made up for that since!). It took that first cry to remind me that "Oh yeah, this isn't just another procedure in this tough medical road, we're having babies!" Then the later realization as I looked at each baby crib in the NICU, that "they're all mine!"


Those are my five moments - now it's your turn. If your life flashed before your eyes, what are 5 moments you know would be included?

9/11 - A day to remember

The first thing I said this morning was "Happy Birthday," and I was greeted with a smile.

Today is a day to remember. For me, it's a day to remember one of the best days of my life. Fifteen years ago, I became a mother for the first time. It's also a day to remember the pain of a nation, the horrific loss of lives 10 years ago. A local ski area has been set up as a Healing Fields with 3200 flags to remember those who died that horrible day. My family will not visit those fields - at least not today.

Our family, today, will attempt to act normally. Although we celebrated our eldest daughter's birthday with a special dinner and cake last evening, it is officially her birthday now and I don't want to grieve today. Instead, I give my daughter the freedom to be happy and know that we believe this day brought our world more sunshine, happiness and joy 15 years ago. That means this day is a day of hope for our family anyway.

It is my hope that our small celebrations, a bonfire with friends and smores, will be simple ways to also celebrate all the lives that were lost 10 years ago. If we focus on hope today, isn't that another way of embracing the life of those who had been here? A way of saying we're glad your families had you for the time that they did? Or, we're glad you lived and we hope for a better world where tragic deaths like yours will not happen again?

Another mom blogger, Mom-101, far better and more famous than I, mentioned how she feels 10 years after 9/11 - a day that's also her birthday. She thinks it may be too creepy to celebrate at all. Reading that made me want to cry for her, my daughter and everyone who was born on this day.

I hope you will all forgive me for not immersing myself in remembrance activities and services today. They're certainly there on the edges of my mind, forming the frame of this day that I still want to be hopeful. Please forgive me if all I really want to say today is "Happy Birthday, Little Lotte"

Osama and the mixed emotions of 9/11

I'm not a New Yorker, in fact, I've never even been to New York City. Everything I write in this post must be read with that filter in place. I am, however, an American. I do recognize the New York skyline and for the past 10 years have struggled internally whenever I see that skyline reflected in a movie, a photo, or drawing. I struggle if the Towers are there because the piece is from before 2001, and I struggle if the Towers are gone.

I had no personal relationship to those who were murdered on 9/11. I know none of the heroes who attempted to rescue those in the Towers that day. I have no connection to any of the victim's families. None.

Now I'm going to say something that some could view as harsh, and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but here goes. (This may be my first step toward angry comments... deep breath.)

I'm sick to death of hearing about 9/11. I'm sick to death of having my 14-year-old's birthday overshadowed by tragedy and death every single year.

There, I said it. I threw it out there where anyone in the world can see it.

I know there are many people who were born on that actual day, some who lost parents in the tragedy, parents they never met. I know my frustration and anger have nothing on those situations. I know that.

Still, as much as I love celebrating my daughter and her birthday, I dread September 11. Especially this year because of the 10th anniversary and how it is sure to be politicized for weeks before and after. There's a part of me that wants to scream, "It's not fair! It was her day for 5 years before that man and his cohorts decided to steal the joy of her day with his despicable acts. And for the rest of her life, she will fight to be able to celebrate her birthday."

Now with the death of Osama, I wonder if any of this will change. Mostly I think not. Like others who were born on similarly bad days for our nation, like Dec. 7th, I think my daughter is sort of stuck battling the grief/pain of others and the sadness of the nation on a day when I'd like her to simply celebrate her life. The death of Osama has opened up my anger again at the whole situation.

 I remember her 6th birthday when she was still so innocent regarding it all. The sweet comment that made me tear up, "Mama, does everyone celebrate my birthday? Because they even talk about September 11 on TV." and my answer? "Everyone who knows you and loves you is celebrating on September 11 because you were born that day, and we just can't stop smiling when we think of that. The people on TV are talking about a really sad thing that happened, though, but that has nothing to do with your birthday."

The next year? She saw a sheet cake at a bakery that had the Towers on it. Don't ask me what they were thinking in that bakery, a commemoration of sorts, I don't know, it had Cake Wrecks written all over it. Anyway, she said, "Mom, that's what my birthday cake should have on it, the Towers - because that's what happened on my birthday." Was I selfish for not wanting my 7-year-old to have to identify her birthday with the Towers?

I've met others whose children have Sept. 11 birthdays and the anger is somewhat there for them too. Although one mom did say, "There's something about those 9/11 birthday kids - they've got a sweet sensitivity about them, don't they?" And, I must admit there is definitely that in Lotte, so perhaps I should be grateful for that. Certainly, I'm grateful to even have my child, to be lucky enough not to have been personally impacted by such a horrible tragedy, but do I also have a right to be sick of it all?

Some have suggested actually changing her birthday or celebrating it on her half-birthday. I guess that makes me even more angry - that we'd have to change her celebration day because of what a terrorist decided to do. Lotte doesn't like that idea anyway and after all, why should she have to give up her birthday?

So yeah, I'm glad Osama is dead. I'm glad it's finally over in that regard. I guess I'm just hoping for a day when 9/11 doesn't overshadow the September 11 birthday of a really pretty cool kid.

And how about you? Do you have a similar story about a different day? Or, how do you feel about the death of Osama? Has it brought closure to you?