Unexpected gifts

This past weekend was filled with the unexpected. One of our favorite surprises was the warm Michigan weather that allowed our littles to play outside without coats and (for two crazy littles who couldn't be convinced otherwise) barefoot. The other favorite is shown in this picture above, seems like a fairly typical photo, but it's pretty special at the Tripped Up Castle.

Description stolen from Tripped Up Daddy's Facebook account:

Enjoying the air glider together. We've gotten close a few times earlier, but this was the first time it was initiated on its own.

Autism progress for the little Angel triplet!

This moment is brought to you through hours and hours of ABA therapy, occupational therapy, Floortime therapy, and the fantastic teachers in the ASD room. (Thanks too to the foundation provided in the ECSE programs we've used since the girls were 18 months old).

Slippery Fish or It's the little things that aren't so little after all

If you've never experienced kids with delays or special needs this might not mean much to you. If you know the struggle of meeting even one milestone amidst delays, read on.

While going potty this morning, Angel triplet (yes, I did say GOING POTTY) starts singing this song and doing the motions. Then her sister Princess triplet joins in. Yay for ABA therapy and for daily progress!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45VuWNq3cjs

Response to 1 in 68

The CDC has released its latest numbers on autism. Now we know that 1 in 68 children have an autism diagnosis compared to the 1 in 88 of the past.

The report also indicates that boys are 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with autism, but in various reports I've been reading this could be simply because the symptoms in boys are more prominent and also because professionals have been trained to look for it more often in boys than in girls. I believe we will see autism diagnosis equalize between genders as the years go on.



This clip features my friend Kim from NJ with her lovely daughter Ava. Kim was one of my own first supporters when we received the autism diagnosis on Angel and Princess triplets. In fact, without knowing Kim and her story, I don't know if I would have finally pushed to discover the real issues in our own daughters.

The report also indicates that once you know, you can get early intervention. Oh if that were only true for everyone. Certainly, I support early diagnosis. Certainly, I support early intervention. I guess I just want to bring to people's attention that whether or not you get the type of intervention you really need depends on more than just the diagnosis. It depends on your insurance. It depends on your state. It depends on your school district. It depends on your income level. It depends on how adept you are at finding, applying for and being awarded available grants. It depends on how determined you are to work with what's available until you can obtain what's actually needed. It depends on how easily you accept the following answers relative to your child: "No," "Not now," "We don't have those kind of resources available," "Since you're self-pay we can only...," "I'm sorry, but" and the list goes on and on and on and on.

If you have any concerns about your child, I strongly suggest you seek out answers as soon as possible. However, you need to be ready to fight for your child and his/her needs from the beginning. An autism diagnosis is great and in some places, that's all you need to make sure you get the needed services. In most it's really not. Dig, research, talk to parents and never allow yourself to believe that one professional knows all the answers. Don't allow yourself to remain in denial or fear for very long. When you have a child with autism, you may need to be much more than just a parent. Your roles will also include therapist and advocate. Get used to it, that may not change for years.

Intensive potty-training - Day 1

Today marks the beginning of the New World Order in our house. Angel triplet is learning to go potty. TODAY. It's Midwinter Break so we have 2 days off from school. Tripped Up Daddy is in charge of Princess and Sunshine triplets today. I've hired a babysitter to watch the other two triplets tomorrow and Tuesday so Angel triplet and I can live in the bathroom.

We're following a regimen indicated by her ABA supervisor, and it normally works after about 2 to 3 days.

It's insane. It's programmed potty times with only 10 minute breaks in between. That's 15 minutes of sitting on the potty, then a break, and then back to the potty. We've done 4 cycles already, had one accident, and only a little balking. She can play with anything she wants while she's on the potty, and if she goes two amazing things happen: 1) SHE GETS CANDY! 2) We get to wait 45 minutes until the next scheduled potty time!

So far the best potty time activities are her Barbie B Bright computer toy and My Pal Violet. Oh and Mommy's reading electronic potty books whenever there's a lull in interest.

Tripped Up Daddy and the others went to church leaving me alone in the insanity. Actually, I think I could do this if it were just her and me. Of course, nothing, absolutely nothing else, will be accomplished today.

Wish me luck. If it works we'll be down to just 1 triplet still in pull-ups

It's no secret we're behind on this daily living skill (the girls are 5, after all), but that's not unusual when you're dealing with autism or other developmental delays. If you've followed along with us in the past you're used to reading about the potty training dilemma, if not, you can catch up pretty quickly by looking at the earlier posts (linked in this paragraph).

Little Keeper Sleeper - Review

What the Pinkalicious room is supposed to look like
when trundle is pulled out and 3 girls sleep there.
Notice the lack of "brown art" - it's by design.

I'll never forget the first time it happened. I don't even know what to call it. Diaper exploration at naptime? Brown art? Creative painting? (Actually I've since learned the official word that doctors, therapists, behaviorists, teachers, and others use is smearing).

The problem

Last summer while all 3 of the triplets were off school, I DESPERATELY needed them to take afternoon naps or at least play nicely in their bedroom without my intervention. Maybe even play long enough until they eventually fell asleep for an hour or more. I got used to the idea that "napping" really sounded a whole lot more like jumping on the beds. It didn't matter, I needed the time. What I ended up with was not "naptime,"  however, it was more like playtime at the zoo and left a decidedly barn-like smell and sight. The once pretty pink room, complete with sun bonnet quilts, pink drapes, and all manner of stuffed animals and books, had been streaked indiscriminately with brown - EVERYWHERE.

Angel triplet shows off her flute
to Tripped Up Daddy while wearing
 her cozy Little Keeper Sleeper.

I wish I could say that it only happened once or that it only happened with one triplet. Unfortunately, we had different variations of it with both Angel and Princess triplet. Princess tended to smear if she could get to her diaper area, while Angel just wanted to be naked and wasn't getting the idea that a potty chair should be used instead of bed, floor, chair, rug, etc. All attempts to outsmart them were failing, and we still had three weeks before school would start back up again. I thought I would lose my mind. I sought advice from everyone and learned it's not an unusual occurrence for even neurotypical toddlers, but can happen more often and for longer with kiddos who have autism or sensory integration issues.

The solution

Princess: We used a lightweight, footless sleeper put on backwards so the snaps were in back where she couldn't reach.  We were able to find a cute one at The Children's Place. Since she only needed at nap time, we could get away with just one sleeper. (However, after a mishap last night, Princess triplet will most likely be getting at least one Little Keeper Sleeper of her own.)

Angel: The Children's Place sleeper failed with her because she could stretch it out and shimmy out of it. In fact, she never unfastened the tabs on her diaper either, she simply shimmied that down as if it were a pull-up (no matter how tightly they were fastened). We finally broke down and bought two specialized sleepers for her, after a week, we purchased two more.

Back full-length zipper, 3 snaps,
and non-stretch neck

Little Keeper Sleeper

At $25 a pop for a simple sleeper, you might think we're a little free with our cash here in the Tripped Up Castle, but honestly I'd do it all over again - and I have, more than once. The Little Keeper Sleeper is not just a simple sleeper, it's a major stress reliever because of its patented design. The soft jersey knit cotton makes your kiddo comfy and the backside zipper is secure. Topping off the zipper are 3 ingenious snaps, guaranteed to keep even the most masterful child from unfastening it. For me, the best part is its non-stretch neck. With a mechanical genius like Angel triplet, she's learned to shimmy out of almost any clothes at all by simply stretching out the neck. (This is the same child who only recently was still able to squeeze her body through a kitty door and get into an area of the basement that's not child-proofed.)

Cute embroidered bear on left front

The Little Keeper Sleeper is perfect for special needs kiddos like mine who haven't mastered the judgment calls of potty training yet, but have the skills to make a mess. It's offered all the way up to a size 10 and in two different striped colors. They also offer three different styles - long-sleeve, footed; long-sleeve, footless; and short-sleeve, footless.

The feet wore out WAY TOO SOON!

Before you think this review will be nothing but glowing, I do, indeed, have some issues with the Little Keeper Sleeper. First, don't bother purchasing the footed style. We purchased two of that style and within 3 wearings the non-slip grip on the bottom had snagged and with a little more laundering the feet were an absolute mess. I never complained to the company about it because everything else was working great, and I knew how to easily put ankle ribbing on to make them footless sleepers. The other issue I have is while it is a lightweight cotton sleeper, it's still not the greatest option for 80 degree weather, and unfortunately, summertime does not mean an end to the behavior. Even if they offered a shortie version with tight shorts that ended just above the knee it would be helpful for the hot nights. Lastly, although the striped sleepers are cute (and certainly better than the original plain light gray color - can you say convict?), it would be nice to have other color/style choices as well.

White cuffs at ankle
work just fine,
after feet wore out.

For those of you who are saying, "why don't you just potty train your kids, then?" Well, it's not exactly that simple. This is part of a long process. We will be potty training soon, but the process will not be easy or work the same way as with neurotypical children (which, by the way, wasn't at all easy with Sunshine triplet anyway). We're going to need the support of our ABA therapists, OT therapists, speech therapists, and teachers as we work on these daily living activity goals like toilet training. In the meantime, we have to avoid poor judgment situations for our own sanity.

Overall the Little Keeper Sleeper gets a thumbs up from me and if you have a similar struggle I definitely recommend purchasing one or more (just not the footed style). Are there other homemade options out there? Sure, duct-tape the diaper, put diaper on backwards, cut feet off other footed sleepers and put them on backwards, put diaper on backwards then duct tape it, then put a swimsuit bottom over top of it all - there are plenty of ideas. I like this one because it's a streamlined solution made for the problem. And, we NEVER have an issue if Angel triplet is wearing her Little Keeper Sleeper - that's definitely worth it to me.



*Disclosure: Little Keeper Sleeper has not provided me with any money or product for this review. This review is simply my perspective after using a product that's helped make the Tripped Up Castle a little more happy and a lot less stressful.

Selling extra diapers?!!

Where we are

I recently saw a photo of a big box of diapers for sale on a Facebook post from a local garage sale group. The title was "Selling Extra Diapers - my son potty-trained faster than I expected." Looking closer, I saw they were Pampers and I love a deal, you know. Unfortunately, they were a size 3. A size 3! I haven't seen a size 3 in this house in well over a year. I used to get excited about the Pampers Gifts to Grow program. Now that we're on size 6 diapers, there's nothing much on the reward list we don't already have, so we just get coupons for more diapers, and that's not exactly exciting.

Back to selling diapers. That mom doesn't need any diapers for her son anymore, at all. I almost cried. I am definitely not THAT MOM, and not just because I don't have a son.

I can't even imagine how it must feel to be able to say I don't need diapers anymore. In fact, I'd love to be able to say "she's potty-trained" for any of my triplets and know it means a process that's actually finished. While Sunshine triplet really only has accidents at night now, those accidents often include number 2 just as often as number 2 ends up in the potty. (Okay, I lied, we just had a Number 2 accident and it's in the middle of the day).

Potty training = nightmare

Sunshine triplet's night-time wear

Potty training is an absolute nightmare with triplets, especially when two of the trio have autism and are significantly delayed with milestones. Okay, I lie. I haven't really even tried much with Angel or Princess triplet, just some basic introductory stuff to the potty. My goal has been to get the neurotypical triplet trained which would magically make it easier for me to deal with the other two, right? Potty training my neurotypical triplet has been hell, and I've been afraid of what it will be like to really concentrate on it with my autistic daughters.

My experience with potty training in the past is minimal. I used to think it was just perfect experience, now I know better. Lotte was about 3 years old when her dad and I finally started the divorce process. Potty training, while I thought about it briefly, was rejected as not a good thing to pursue until some of the instability of her world disappeared (is that another way of saying I was lazy and didn't have a clue as a first-time mom?)

Anyway, Lotte practically potty-trained herself. She came up to me one day and said, "Mommy, I don't wear diapers anymore." I replied, "Really? Okay then let's go get some big girl panties for you." One trip to the store, 2 packages of brand new underwear, 1 set of training pants with plastic pants for over top and 2 weeks of practice. Potty training was done, finished, complete - EVEN AT NIGHT! Oh, did I tell you that she was in daycare full-time back in those days? Yeah, in retrospect her potty-training had absolutely NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with a really fabulous daycare Mama. (Don't ask me how long it took for me to realize that).

Anything and everything

We have 15 pair of training pants
ready to go right now
for Angel and Princess triplets

Back to the trio - Lotte would be so happy if I would quit discussing her potty training after all. I should tell you that we tried absolutely EVERYTHING with Sunshine triplet, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Rewards worked enough to get her to sit on the potty, but honestly I spent over a year just trying to get her to go number 1 in the potty. I have never met anyone with such a bladder of steel. The girl could hold it for 12 hours if she wanted - even with me pushing fluids as much as possible. She would simply wait until she knew she would be wearing a pull-up to go (like at night). School was as frustrated as me, well, maybe not quite, they usually only had to change one diaper/pull-up a day after all. And they certainly don't pay for them.

In the end, what worked for Sunshine, you ask? Well, it was a little meanness and the use of an old summer camp prank that actually did it. Here she was, just before bed, sitting on the potty jiggling her legs and screaming "I want a pull-up," when Tripped Up Daddy said, "tough." "You have to sit and you have to go here. We're staying right here and you're safe, but you have to go on the potty, not in a pull-up." Then he pulled out a dishpan, filled it with warm water and stuck her bare feet in the water. Within seconds, Sunshine triplet surprised herself by going pee in the potty, and not just a little. She had been holding it for hours after all. That was the moment when she finally realized there was nothing to fear about using the potty, at least for number 1. Then within days, she self-initiated bathroom time and she's only had a number 1 accident about 3 times total. That was about two months ago.

The lessons

Church NextStep Toilet Seat

So what have I learned? Well, I wish I would have realized it was fear and not really stubbornness that was the issue with Sunshine. I also realized she had almost been at the same point about 6 months earlier, but I gave in to the frantic screaming and fear by letting her have a pull-up. Had I instead stayed strong, she ultimately would have broken through and succeeded, saving us months of anxiety and frustration. I also wish I had found Potty Training Concepts a whole lot sooner. I think it would have been an invaluable resource. I wish I would have chosen a specific method of potty training that I agreed with and stuck with it. Sunshine triplet enjoys structure, maybe even more than her two triplet sisters with autism. If we had chosen a specific structured approach to the whole process and stuck with it, I think it all would have been easier. Instead, we were way too busy trying everybody's suggestions, the doctor's, mother-in-law's, friends, family members, teachers, etc., that I think it simply confused everyone, especially Sunshine. Last, while potty chairs are fine, I strongly recommend using a potty seat on the actual toilet, like the Church NextStep Toilet Seat.

Where we're headed,
sooner rather than later
we all hope.

What can I apply to the next two triplets for potty-training? Ahhh, now that's an interesting question. At this point, we will be working very closely with the girls' new ABA therapists and OT therapists regarding the process. While I've found many plans out there and even recently went to a seminar specifically for toilet training kiddos with Down syndrome (and other disabilities), I still am not sure what method is the best. Stay tuned, though, I'm sure we'll be learning a lot soon because toilet training is definitely on the goal list for both Angel and Princess triplets.

If you have any advice, I'll sure listen, because like I said, potty training stinks (even for singletons who don't have autism) and obviously I'm no expert on all of this.

Errands with the kiddos

Even on good days a trip to the grocery store can prove disastrous with kids. When you add in multiples and also special needs, it can be really trying. So trying, in fact, that today I shot out a tweet - almost in fear:

About to go to @Meijer with 2 autistic 4 year old daughters in tow. Just keep smiling, just keep smiling.
— Lisa Roberts (@trippeduplife) May 29, 2013

No, not from today, but it is 2 triplets
& they are in a cart.
Don't get so picky about details!

As it turned out, the trip was probably the best we've had in a long time. It was just me with Princess and Angel triplets, and we spent over an hour in the grocery store with absolutely NO meltdowns to speak of, no major challenges at all. The only thing I can identify that may have made it easier was being able to spy one of the big, 3-kid-seat carts in a cart return. Of course I parked the van as close as I could, grabbed it before getting the girls out of the van, and moved them into that directly from the van. That saved us numerous transitions, which I really was worrying about as we were driving into the lot. Beyond that, the free bakery cookies helped, but mostly the girls were just in really great moods. They were pleased to be out of the house and somewhere different and were excited about the sights around them. That doesn't mean the sounds of carts moving around, the electronic alarm going off or the bottle return noise (from 3 aisles away) didn't adversely affect them. We still had fingers in ears & hands over ears even while 3 aisles or more away from the sounds.

They continued the good behavior by playing quietly once we arrived home so I could even unload the groceries in relative peace. Are they getting older? Are they just becoming more used to their surroundings? Maybe, or maybe we were lucky and hit everything right on. In any case, I absolutely know that it could have all gone horribly wrong in 2 minutes or less.

Then an even more surprising thing happened. Meijer replied:

@trippeduplife We hope it went well! Please let us know if there's anything we can do to improve the experience for your daughters.
— Meijer (@meijer) May 29, 2013

How do you like that? One of my regular grocery stores wants to know how they can help make a sometimes very challenging experience better for my daughters. I'd say that's good customer service! Since it was only a day after a huge firestorm erupted after word got out about a Kalamazoo salon owner berating a customer for not controlling her autistic son as he received a haircut, I'd say Meijer looked pretty family friendly and proactive today. And trust me, I don't always give them credit for those two things.

Anyway, the question, "how can we help you," prompted me to wonder exactly how to answer back. It also made me wonder what other folks like me do with the basic errands of life. You know, people like you. How do you involve your autistic (or special needs) children without feeling too much apprehension? How do you plan for a great time? Or is it simply beyond our ability to control and we just take what we can get, smiling when it's good, crying when it's bad? I asked for feedback on my newly created Trippeduplife.com Facebook page too and am waiting for responses. I'd love to get some feedback that I could actually give to Meijer. How could they make it easier for kids with autism to feel comfortable in the shopping experience? With 1 in 88 kids being diagnosed with autism, it's worth knowing. Besides, I think it's important to reward companies when they start asking the right questions.

So stop by the Facebook page, like it & reply. Or, just comment below. Let's get some answers out there, because somebody wants to help, and I don't know about you, but I don't always feel that kind of love when I'm out with my autistic kiddos.

Happy Dream and Wave Bye-Bye

As I walked out the door of Sunshine and Princess triplets' bedroom, Sunshine did her typical closing of the day statements.

Sunshine: "Good night, Mommy"
Me: "Good night"
Sunshine: "Happy Dream"
Me: "Happy Dream"

Sunshine repeats these closing statements again and again as you walk out the door, all the way until the door clicks shut for the night. We think it's partially because she has to have the last word in everything. It's a ritual she began a few months ago. And, every night I still hold my breath, waiting and hoping.

Princess triplet on her first day of school 2012-13

You see, once, out of the blue, as I was saying good night and only expecting a response back from Sunshine triplet, I heard a second "Happy Dream" from Princess triplet's bed. My mostly non-verbal child was wishing me a happy night just like her sister. Of course, I rushed back into the room, kissed Princess all over again and insisted that she too have a happy dream of her own.

It seems a small event, and yet, to any mother of a child with speech or milestone delays, a moment like that makes your throat catch and brings tears to your eyes. It's not just the moment in itself, it's the uncertainty of whether the moment will repeat itself at all or with any regularity. It's a moment you simply may not get again. It's a moment to treasure.

Angel triplet loves riding the bus but hates photo shoots

Every school day I stand by the bus as Princess and Angel triplets get buckled into their seats. I wait and I wave, every single day. When Grandma is there she watches me and says something like, "Do they see you?" or "I don't think they care about waving today" and I never answer those statements. I wave goodbye every day until the bus turns left and they can't see me waving.

Triplets wear "I'm the Litttle Sister" shirts to school.

Have my two autistic daughters ever waved goodbye back? No, not yet, but I still keep waving, because I'm mom and that's what moms do. They wave bye-bye to kids who stare back, sometimes without seeming recognition. Because one day, they will wave back, one day, bye-bye will be part of their social world. Or, because one day there will be another moment, like when Angel triplet looked directly into my eyes with recognition and pushed her tiny hand against the bus window as I waved. She kept her hand on the window until the bus turned left and I couldn't see her anymore. So, yes, I wave. I wave every day.

Today's post is my Mother's Day gift to all mothers of children with milestone delays or delayed development. We strive every day to teach our children, to presume competence, to hold our expectations high enough, to embrace our child's differences and yet carefully recognize the fact that it could take up to 2000 repetitions for our child with special needs to learn something that a typical child will likely learn by 200 repetitions. We balance expectations every day - not too low, not too high and realize that in addition to being mom, we get to play therapist to our very special children. Sometimes there are those days when we'd give almost anything to just be a parent, a simple, run-of-the-mill parent with "typical" expectations. The one whose kid says "You're not my best friend anymore, Mommy" on the day right before Mother's Day - the typical kid stuff - the stuff that makes you smile. Then without warning, we get a moment. A "Happy Dream" moment, a "Wave Bye-Bye" moment and all of a sudden nothing else matters but that moment. That moment when you absolutely, positively know how lucky you are to have this special child who shows you what LIFE and LOVE and JOY really are, because before that moment you know for sure you've only seen a shadow of those things.

Lotte - still too cool for school :-)

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow "special needs" Mamas. I hope you have a moment tomorrow with your very special child, but even if you don't, think back to a recent one and look forward to the one you will have in the future. You are LOVED and there's no doubt in my mind that God made you and your child especially just for each other - no other mother would do, no other child would do. You are perfectly suited for each other and tomorrow, please breathe that knowledge in all day long.

Happy Mother's Day All!

Embracing simplicity

I've had trouble with clutter my whole life. Holding garage sales, donating to charity, or simply throwing things away were difficult tasks for my parents too while I was growing up. I remember once, while helping pack my mom's kitchen for a move, finding a weirdly-shaped serving dish. The ensuing conversation shows how much holding onto too much stuff has been drilled into me.

Me: "Mom, what is this? I've never seen it before. Can we get rid of it?"
Mom: "That's a French bread server."
Me: "A what? Okay, so can we just get rid of it then?"
Mom: "Oh no, that was a wedding gift!"
Me: "Really, but we never use it. Can't we just get rid of it?"
Mom: "I've used it once I'm sure. You can't get rid of a wedding gift."
Me: "I'm sure they wouldn't even care by now Mom, who did you get it from anyway?"
Mom: "Oh, I don't remember.

BEFORE: Main floor play area - mid-day play time

I'll admit as an adult I've had an inner desire for my home to look like those fancy magazine photos or at least like my really organized friends' homes. In reality, it looks like someone vomited toys at my house, that and clutter of all kinds on almost every flat surface. It's not that we really ever wanted it this way, it's just how it seems to end up.

Angel triplet has a propensity to get into everything, pull things apart, and put everything into her mouth. I usually feel like I can't keep ahead of her. She is still a big "dumper" of toys, running from one bin to another to simply dump everything on the floor, without much functional play with any of them. Putting toys away after dumping is quite the challenge for her and usually requires someone to work with her, helping her by doing the activity with her hand over hand. Now add in a stubborn Sunshine triplet who simply doesn't want to either stop playing or needs her one-on-one attention to encourage clean up, plus a Princess triplet who just wants to wander around with various objects twirling them in her typical stimming fashion. When it's a 1 adult to 3 kids ratio, it's really tough to insist on the clean up routine. Often, you find yourself giving up and deciding to clean it up yourself after the kiddos go to bed that night. Unless, of course, you're too exhausted.

Too many toys, too much clutter and lots of dumping. It all leads to a great deal of stress. On top of that, the need for structure and organization is high with Princess and Angel triplets, even though it often looks like Angel is bound and determined to wreak as much havoc as possible. Tripped Up Mommy's natural spontaneous personality and overall cluttered approach makes it more difficult for them to order their own brains, body, and ultimately life. This is exactly the moment for intentional parenting - it's time for Mommy to get more disciplined and make things easier for them. Thanks to one of the girls' teachers, who recently spent 4+ hours with me in our house, we've made some HUGE strides in simplifying our upstairs play area. With   help from their teacher and Tripped Up Daddy's entertaining of triplets, we dug in and made a lot of little changes that added up to a huge one.

AFTER: Main floor play area - mid-day play time

Here's what we did:

1. Grouped like items quickly & put a bin together for odds & ends items that will be sorted later.
2. Reduced the total number of toys available by about two-thirds.
3. Purchased and labeled special bins where small toys can be stored.
4. Planned out new rules for the girls which included no dumping of more than one bin at a time. 
5. Created a workable plan for addressing toy boredom (switching out the toys within a planned time period).
6. Reduced the anxiety of "but where do I put all this junk on the top of a cabinet?" question by using a box to store excess clutter with the understanding it will be sorted at a later date.
7. Set up a plan of action that will make it easy for anyone (including Tripped Up Daddy, Lotte, babysitters, Grandma) to put the room back in working order within 15 minutes.
8. Took perfectionism out of the mix as much as possible 

After a week and a half of a cleaner slate, I've noticed it's a more child-friendly environment and everyone seems to be calmer. There's also more functional play from Angel and Princess triplets already.Yes, the Tripped Up Castle seems happier and less stressed. Plus, we only bought new bins so it was very economical as well. Who knew something I thought I couldn't do would help the girls so much in such a little amount of time? The re-design made a huge impact and gives me the courage to look at doing more simplifying in other areas of the home. Have you done re-works similar to this in your home or life? How did you do it and what were some of the obstacles you faced?

The hope of babble breaks

Princess triplet surprised me yesterday when I realized her normal babble of "Princeeze" had actually broken into "I didn't do it, I didn't do it" in English. It took a second or two to realize that's a line from The Polar Express which she hasn't seen in a week or so. Rather than say this is an autistic behavior of random language usage, I'm choosing to believe she was actually asking to watch the movie. Does an out of context full sentence count as a child using sentences? Maybe not, but it does give me room for hope.

Hope is one thing I've really started to embrace in this land of special needs where I live and raise my kids. It's always a little different in families where there are kids with special needs and as parents we can often feel isolated (usually not in a good way). Lately I've been trying hard to switch my perspective on the toughest parts of the daily parenting experience of kids with autism (of preschoolers with autism, of triplets - 2 of whom seem to be in perpetual toddlerhood). Switching my perspective means looking at the things that drive me crazy, switching the lens, and choosing to see a benefit within the struggle itself. Suddenly this lens change, this change of perspective has brought me more into hope overall. It's also allowed me to see that as a special needs parent, I get to hugely celebrate the littlest milestones of my kids without anyone groaning. Nobody minds when we throw hopeful parties over here.

So yesterday's (and today's so far) hopeful party was all because of a break in babble, a break in babble into English.

And guess what? It doesn't matter how irritating that kid is in The Polar Express who repeatedly says, "I didn't do it." I can hear that from my Princess triplet for the next 2 days straight and be really excited about beginning speech patterns every single time.

What do you do while they're in school?

The day is a race from 7:00 a.m. to 11:40 a.m. - sometimes it starts earlier, but somehow it never means I've gotten ahead of the curve. It's still a race to get three 3-year-olds fed breakfast, dressed, diapered, fed lunch, cleaned up and off onto the school bus.

Here's a look at today's last sprint, actually, right before finish line, a race that made me email Tripped Up Daddy demanding a medal, more money, better benefits, or at least lots of presents. Be forewarned: Motherhood is messy, sometimes it takes a lot more than Bissell to clean it up.

Time: 10:50 to 10:55 (I like them to be sitting down for lunch by 11 - I'm running a little late, but it's because I've been playing with them & I know lunch will be quick to do) - bus comes at 11:40 (may be late, but you always have to be ready by 11:40).

Princess has already taken her pants off, which should have been the tip off, but I knew she was just wet. I was changing Angel's dirty diaper, getting her dressed and her hair done (which is long and curly). Just about to shift to Princess (she was already dressed before breakfast because of an accident I discovered with her sleeper/diaper when I got her up earlier). I suddenly realized why her now dirty diaper smelled so bad. It wasn't so much in the diaper as it was a toddler/preschool version of play doh or modeling clay. All over her hands, bare legs, around her mouth, all of her shirt filled with it, piles on the living room floor, Tripped Up Daddy's favorite floor pillow... all that was lacking was some hay or straw and I would have been sure we lived in a barn. 

"Oh dear Lord, please show me how to best handle this one the most efficiently and with the most love for my daughters - without throwing up." (I think it became a recurring prayer through the rest of the race today and I must say it did calm me down).

"DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! GIRLS, STAY AWAY FROM ALL OF IT! NO, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

11:20 - Princess has had a quick bath (which she hated because there were no toys and mommy kept saying "we don't play in poopy"), new clothes on (for her & me), floor is mostly cleaned up, do Princess's hair amidst major tears while everyone watches Sid on PBS.

11:30 - Lunch is mac & cheese (leftover from yesterday, which only Princess really touched today) and goldfish, which everyone ate, plus whatever drink I can get my hands on. I know, it's the model of pure healthy food choices for my kids. Socks and lace-up hiking boots going on children as they eat. 

11:40 - Sunshine and Angel in coats, clean up Princess from lunch and put on coat. Sing all possible verses to the Wheels on the Bus while holding Princess's hand to keep her from scrounging off from the still messy table. (Perhaps you see the theme that Princess is our sensory focused child who is about as far from potty training as you can imagine. All of my girls have some delays in development, but Angel and Princess are still learning how to follow basic instructions. Sometimes the delays get a little challenging - you feel like you're raising kids who are at 18 months or 2 years sometimes in a 3 year old body, but I digress.)

11:43 - Bus arrives, open front door (work chain and deadbolt while commanding attention of all 3 so they don't run away into kitchen, or other parts of the house). Sunshine goes ahead out the door, sits down to get down the first step of our porch, does the next 2, then is off and running to the bus. Thank God the bus driver expects her to do that, is right at the bus steps encouraging her and ready to help. (Perhaps now I should mention we live on a well-traveled street, and I'm really thankful for the lights on the bus that cause motorists to at least be on the lookout for children traveling to the bus). I hold Princess and Angel's hands, helping them climb down the stairs and walk them to the bus.

The answer to my demand for a  medal

11:47 - Back in the house, deep breath, email Tripped Up Daddy demanding some kind of kudos and now... I have a disaster to clean up - and the teens (mine & her best friend who hangs with us most every day for a couple of hours) get here at 3 (better if it's clean by then). 

But first, I will take a lunch break - 30 min. to an hour - after all, no one's here. And the disaster? I think it will still be there when I'm done recovering.

She wants more applesauce!

When you have speech delayed toddlers, a new sign language sign used spontaneously is wonderful. We still get really excited when Princess or Angel triplets choose to sign "more" rather than simply cry for attention. While Sunshine triplet is moving forward and adding new words to her vocabulary every day it seems, we're still waiting for the same "light bulb" to click on with our other two.

At the last play group though, Angel triplet blew her teacher, Tripped Up Daddy and others away. She asked for more applesauce - "Mo appa." It was as clear as day. For the parent of a speech delayed toddler, this is a major victory! The same day, Princess triplet had a victory moment of her own during a diaper change. Her daddy said hi to her and asked her if she could say, "Hi Daddy." She replied by mimicking his words.

Needless to say, those communication efforts are wildly praised by us and everyone working with the girls. I do know that the girls probably attempt to speak and communicate more often than we even realize. Sometimes it's not clear enough for us to differentiate from the typical toddler babble, sometimes it's simply too soft, and sometimes we're just plain too busy to notice. But we really try to give as much positive feedback as we can to every attempt we recognize.

I think my first real introduction to speech delays or milestone delays in children was through a movie when I was young, Son-Rise: A Miracle of Love. It was about a family who had a third child (a boy after 2 girls) and they discovered he was autistic. Back then, autism was not nearly as well known or understood as it is today. The parents were working their own therapies with their son, Raun, because they weren't happy with the accepted forms of therapy out there at the time. For some reason, that movie stuck with me (I wasn't even a teenager when I saw it) and I'll never forget the moment when Raun actually asked for juice. The father, at work, received a phone call from his wife to say their son had asked, had communicated in his way, to ask for juice. Her husband got so excited that he left work immediately to go home, explaining to his boss that his son had asked for juice, while his boss looked at him incredulously saying in his wake, "and you have to go get it for him?"

For us, the "Mo appa" and "Hi Dadda" moments were just as big. We're moving beyond making sure we have solid eye contact to being able to expect some real verbal communication. I think all three of my triplets may really be talking soon!

Build language with reading and help speech delays too!



A summertime walk up the hill, with little feet, and little trips



Don't you love it when one activity can help your kids in multiple ways? Sometimes I think we forget how little things can impact their world in such a huge way. Like reading for instance. Isn't it amazing that reading to your kids can help them excel at language at an early age and also help those who are struggling with language at the same time? I wrote a little about this in a short guest post for the Reading Kingdom today.



Sometimes when you're bogged down in the monotony of parenting, working full-time, and trying to keep a house at least clean enough, it's easy to downplay the importance of the little things. I'm trying to remind myself today, and every day, that those little things like a nighttime story, a morning cuddle, and a few moments of language focused playtime really do add up to an awful lot.

What are some of your favorite "little" things to do for or with your child?

Sometimes I forget my triplets have milestone delays

Every day at our house is so filled with basic care of toddlers and concentrated efforts to guide each of them along at their particular level, that sometimes I forget about where a “normal” (I hate that word) nearly 2-1/2 year old should be regarding developmental milestones. Aside from the internal comparisons to what I remember life was like when my 14 year old was their age (which is its own bad idea for many reasons, not the least of which is bad memory). I know intellectually we have significant delays, especially in speech and language, but as we live our lives, I adjust my expectations and continue to work with each triplet where they are today. Teaching wherever I can, trying to emphasize sounds, using sign language, encouraging simple words, etc.

Then, come the days when you work in the church nursery or visit friends with kids of similar age or go to the park, etc. Suddenly, you see a little girl their age doing things you are still dreaming of for your children - things like saying, “I want my mommy!” or following easy directions like “can you get a book for me and I’ll read it to you.” Sometimes even from children younger than they are and all of a sudden the reality of significant milestone delays hits you like bricks falling from the sky.

Then you fight off tears as best you can, smile and keep going. You see, there’s no one in the world who wants to hear our 2-1/2-year-olds speak and share their thoughts more than Tripped Up Daddy and me, but we can only get there one step at a time. And by the way, that’s their steps not necessarily the big giant steps I’d like to take.

Sometimes I think back to when I first had that painful thought, “Are my kids behind? I mean, like behind enough that I should be worried? The doctor hasn’t been worried, should I be?” and all the other questions that raged in my head. There are all the comments you get from everyone - “kids develop at their own rates, don’t worry so much” and the like, which I think I listened to too long. When you’re dealing with the initial 15 months of raising triplets, sometimes survival and immediate needs keep you in a potential state of denial longer than is healthy. We started asking the serious questions when the triplets were 18 months, like it or not, I still wish we would have begun pursuing help at 12 months or 15 months.

Our first call was to the Early Intervention group in our state, once our pediatrician indicated he would support a call to the organization. Since then, we’ve had the girls assessed and are busily working on their Individualized Education Plans, which are updated every 6 months with a new assessment. We don’t talk a lot about “catching up” anymore with their special ed teachers, speech pathologists, and more, instead we just focus on the goals for each girl.

I found the tagline of the group very compelling, “Don’t worry, but don’t wait.” Recently a friend asked me about who I called, because she had some concerns about her own child. Once she visited the site, we talked about that tagline. It was interesting because we’re both writers, and we both thought, “Damn, that’s good copywriting.”

The hardest part of having kids with delayed milestones is being willing to make the first call, I think. It’s hard to admit your kid may be struggling. It makes you confront all kinds of worries you may not want to really acknowledge. The key is to make that call. Every state in the U.S. has an Early Intervention program which will help assess your child.

If you’re even worried at all about milestone delays, check with your pediatrician or family doctor. Both will have information on which milestones should be occurring at which month, etc. You want to know what to expect and what to keep an eye on with milestones and specifically speech delays. In short, I advocate calling for help earlier rather than later, because if there really are delays, the sooner you know, the sooner you can start helping your child in specific ways.

I know someday my triplets will talk to me, but today it’s a dream. And I’m doing all I can to help them get there in the meantime.