You know you're a special needs mom...

Because independence here opens
up the world in so many, many ways!

when the following email from your autistic daughter's first grade teacher makes you go into a full-fledged happy tears moment for 5 full minutes.

I wanted to tell you of something that was pretty exciting today.  Out on the playground Princess was tugging on Mrs. F., so she prompted  "I want.....".  It took about 5 prompts, but then Princess said "I want potty".  She brought her in, and Princess independently went to the restroom.  It was great to see her recognizing her need for the bathroom, and advocating for herself!

Imagining my little girl in a situation where she's actually verbalizing her needs and advocating for herself - this, this is what we work so hard for. This is a moment, I've been waiting for literally years to see or hear about. I can't tell you how proud of that little girl I am right now.

Unexpected gifts

This past weekend was filled with the unexpected. One of our favorite surprises was the warm Michigan weather that allowed our littles to play outside without coats and (for two crazy littles who couldn't be convinced otherwise) barefoot. The other favorite is shown in this picture above, seems like a fairly typical photo, but it's pretty special at the Tripped Up Castle.

Description stolen from Tripped Up Daddy's Facebook account:

Enjoying the air glider together. We've gotten close a few times earlier, but this was the first time it was initiated on its own.

Autism progress for the little Angel triplet!

This moment is brought to you through hours and hours of ABA therapy, occupational therapy, Floortime therapy, and the fantastic teachers in the ASD room. (Thanks too to the foundation provided in the ECSE programs we've used since the girls were 18 months old).

Slippery Fish or It's the little things that aren't so little after all

If you've never experienced kids with delays or special needs this might not mean much to you. If you know the struggle of meeting even one milestone amidst delays, read on.

While going potty this morning, Angel triplet (yes, I did say GOING POTTY) starts singing this song and doing the motions. Then her sister Princess triplet joins in. Yay for ABA therapy and for daily progress!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45VuWNq3cjs

Autism milestones that make a daddy smile

Angel triplet hops into our bed this morning. Tripped Up Daddy reaches over and gently pinches her nose.

Daddy: "beep, beep"

Angel triplet: "Nose!" <laughter>

(We promised "Daddy rants" a long time ago. This is one, stolen from his own Facebook status. It was just too good not to share.)

Response to 1 in 68

The CDC has released its latest numbers on autism. Now we know that 1 in 68 children have an autism diagnosis compared to the 1 in 88 of the past.

The report also indicates that boys are 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with autism, but in various reports I've been reading this could be simply because the symptoms in boys are more prominent and also because professionals have been trained to look for it more often in boys than in girls. I believe we will see autism diagnosis equalize between genders as the years go on.



This clip features my friend Kim from NJ with her lovely daughter Ava. Kim was one of my own first supporters when we received the autism diagnosis on Angel and Princess triplets. In fact, without knowing Kim and her story, I don't know if I would have finally pushed to discover the real issues in our own daughters.

The report also indicates that once you know, you can get early intervention. Oh if that were only true for everyone. Certainly, I support early diagnosis. Certainly, I support early intervention. I guess I just want to bring to people's attention that whether or not you get the type of intervention you really need depends on more than just the diagnosis. It depends on your insurance. It depends on your state. It depends on your school district. It depends on your income level. It depends on how adept you are at finding, applying for and being awarded available grants. It depends on how determined you are to work with what's available until you can obtain what's actually needed. It depends on how easily you accept the following answers relative to your child: "No," "Not now," "We don't have those kind of resources available," "Since you're self-pay we can only...," "I'm sorry, but" and the list goes on and on and on and on.

If you have any concerns about your child, I strongly suggest you seek out answers as soon as possible. However, you need to be ready to fight for your child and his/her needs from the beginning. An autism diagnosis is great and in some places, that's all you need to make sure you get the needed services. In most it's really not. Dig, research, talk to parents and never allow yourself to believe that one professional knows all the answers. Don't allow yourself to remain in denial or fear for very long. When you have a child with autism, you may need to be much more than just a parent. Your roles will also include therapist and advocate. Get used to it, that may not change for years.

Intensive potty-training - Day 1

Today marks the beginning of the New World Order in our house. Angel triplet is learning to go potty. TODAY. It's Midwinter Break so we have 2 days off from school. Tripped Up Daddy is in charge of Princess and Sunshine triplets today. I've hired a babysitter to watch the other two triplets tomorrow and Tuesday so Angel triplet and I can live in the bathroom.

We're following a regimen indicated by her ABA supervisor, and it normally works after about 2 to 3 days.

It's insane. It's programmed potty times with only 10 minute breaks in between. That's 15 minutes of sitting on the potty, then a break, and then back to the potty. We've done 4 cycles already, had one accident, and only a little balking. She can play with anything she wants while she's on the potty, and if she goes two amazing things happen: 1) SHE GETS CANDY! 2) We get to wait 45 minutes until the next scheduled potty time!

So far the best potty time activities are her Barbie B Bright computer toy and My Pal Violet. Oh and Mommy's reading electronic potty books whenever there's a lull in interest.

Tripped Up Daddy and the others went to church leaving me alone in the insanity. Actually, I think I could do this if it were just her and me. Of course, nothing, absolutely nothing else, will be accomplished today.

Wish me luck. If it works we'll be down to just 1 triplet still in pull-ups

It's no secret we're behind on this daily living skill (the girls are 5, after all), but that's not unusual when you're dealing with autism or other developmental delays. If you've followed along with us in the past you're used to reading about the potty training dilemma, if not, you can catch up pretty quickly by looking at the earlier posts (linked in this paragraph).

Little Keeper Sleeper - Review

What the Pinkalicious room is supposed to look like
when trundle is pulled out and 3 girls sleep there.
Notice the lack of "brown art" - it's by design.

I'll never forget the first time it happened. I don't even know what to call it. Diaper exploration at naptime? Brown art? Creative painting? (Actually I've since learned the official word that doctors, therapists, behaviorists, teachers, and others use is smearing).

The problem

Last summer while all 3 of the triplets were off school, I DESPERATELY needed them to take afternoon naps or at least play nicely in their bedroom without my intervention. Maybe even play long enough until they eventually fell asleep for an hour or more. I got used to the idea that "napping" really sounded a whole lot more like jumping on the beds. It didn't matter, I needed the time. What I ended up with was not "naptime,"  however, it was more like playtime at the zoo and left a decidedly barn-like smell and sight. The once pretty pink room, complete with sun bonnet quilts, pink drapes, and all manner of stuffed animals and books, had been streaked indiscriminately with brown - EVERYWHERE.

Angel triplet shows off her flute
to Tripped Up Daddy while wearing
 her cozy Little Keeper Sleeper.

I wish I could say that it only happened once or that it only happened with one triplet. Unfortunately, we had different variations of it with both Angel and Princess triplet. Princess tended to smear if she could get to her diaper area, while Angel just wanted to be naked and wasn't getting the idea that a potty chair should be used instead of bed, floor, chair, rug, etc. All attempts to outsmart them were failing, and we still had three weeks before school would start back up again. I thought I would lose my mind. I sought advice from everyone and learned it's not an unusual occurrence for even neurotypical toddlers, but can happen more often and for longer with kiddos who have autism or sensory integration issues.

The solution

Princess: We used a lightweight, footless sleeper put on backwards so the snaps were in back where she couldn't reach.  We were able to find a cute one at The Children's Place. Since she only needed at nap time, we could get away with just one sleeper. (However, after a mishap last night, Princess triplet will most likely be getting at least one Little Keeper Sleeper of her own.)

Angel: The Children's Place sleeper failed with her because she could stretch it out and shimmy out of it. In fact, she never unfastened the tabs on her diaper either, she simply shimmied that down as if it were a pull-up (no matter how tightly they were fastened). We finally broke down and bought two specialized sleepers for her, after a week, we purchased two more.

Back full-length zipper, 3 snaps,
and non-stretch neck

Little Keeper Sleeper

At $25 a pop for a simple sleeper, you might think we're a little free with our cash here in the Tripped Up Castle, but honestly I'd do it all over again - and I have, more than once. The Little Keeper Sleeper is not just a simple sleeper, it's a major stress reliever because of its patented design. The soft jersey knit cotton makes your kiddo comfy and the backside zipper is secure. Topping off the zipper are 3 ingenious snaps, guaranteed to keep even the most masterful child from unfastening it. For me, the best part is its non-stretch neck. With a mechanical genius like Angel triplet, she's learned to shimmy out of almost any clothes at all by simply stretching out the neck. (This is the same child who only recently was still able to squeeze her body through a kitty door and get into an area of the basement that's not child-proofed.)

Cute embroidered bear on left front

The Little Keeper Sleeper is perfect for special needs kiddos like mine who haven't mastered the judgment calls of potty training yet, but have the skills to make a mess. It's offered all the way up to a size 10 and in two different striped colors. They also offer three different styles - long-sleeve, footed; long-sleeve, footless; and short-sleeve, footless.

The feet wore out WAY TOO SOON!

Before you think this review will be nothing but glowing, I do, indeed, have some issues with the Little Keeper Sleeper. First, don't bother purchasing the footed style. We purchased two of that style and within 3 wearings the non-slip grip on the bottom had snagged and with a little more laundering the feet were an absolute mess. I never complained to the company about it because everything else was working great, and I knew how to easily put ankle ribbing on to make them footless sleepers. The other issue I have is while it is a lightweight cotton sleeper, it's still not the greatest option for 80 degree weather, and unfortunately, summertime does not mean an end to the behavior. Even if they offered a shortie version with tight shorts that ended just above the knee it would be helpful for the hot nights. Lastly, although the striped sleepers are cute (and certainly better than the original plain light gray color - can you say convict?), it would be nice to have other color/style choices as well.

White cuffs at ankle
work just fine,
after feet wore out.

For those of you who are saying, "why don't you just potty train your kids, then?" Well, it's not exactly that simple. This is part of a long process. We will be potty training soon, but the process will not be easy or work the same way as with neurotypical children (which, by the way, wasn't at all easy with Sunshine triplet anyway). We're going to need the support of our ABA therapists, OT therapists, speech therapists, and teachers as we work on these daily living activity goals like toilet training. In the meantime, we have to avoid poor judgment situations for our own sanity.

Overall the Little Keeper Sleeper gets a thumbs up from me and if you have a similar struggle I definitely recommend purchasing one or more (just not the footed style). Are there other homemade options out there? Sure, duct-tape the diaper, put diaper on backwards, cut feet off other footed sleepers and put them on backwards, put diaper on backwards then duct tape it, then put a swimsuit bottom over top of it all - there are plenty of ideas. I like this one because it's a streamlined solution made for the problem. And, we NEVER have an issue if Angel triplet is wearing her Little Keeper Sleeper - that's definitely worth it to me.



*Disclosure: Little Keeper Sleeper has not provided me with any money or product for this review. This review is simply my perspective after using a product that's helped make the Tripped Up Castle a little more happy and a lot less stressful.

Selling extra diapers?!!

Where we are

I recently saw a photo of a big box of diapers for sale on a Facebook post from a local garage sale group. The title was "Selling Extra Diapers - my son potty-trained faster than I expected." Looking closer, I saw they were Pampers and I love a deal, you know. Unfortunately, they were a size 3. A size 3! I haven't seen a size 3 in this house in well over a year. I used to get excited about the Pampers Gifts to Grow program. Now that we're on size 6 diapers, there's nothing much on the reward list we don't already have, so we just get coupons for more diapers, and that's not exactly exciting.

Back to selling diapers. That mom doesn't need any diapers for her son anymore, at all. I almost cried. I am definitely not THAT MOM, and not just because I don't have a son.

I can't even imagine how it must feel to be able to say I don't need diapers anymore. In fact, I'd love to be able to say "she's potty-trained" for any of my triplets and know it means a process that's actually finished. While Sunshine triplet really only has accidents at night now, those accidents often include number 2 just as often as number 2 ends up in the potty. (Okay, I lied, we just had a Number 2 accident and it's in the middle of the day).

Potty training = nightmare

Sunshine triplet's night-time wear

Potty training is an absolute nightmare with triplets, especially when two of the trio have autism and are significantly delayed with milestones. Okay, I lie. I haven't really even tried much with Angel or Princess triplet, just some basic introductory stuff to the potty. My goal has been to get the neurotypical triplet trained which would magically make it easier for me to deal with the other two, right? Potty training my neurotypical triplet has been hell, and I've been afraid of what it will be like to really concentrate on it with my autistic daughters.

My experience with potty training in the past is minimal. I used to think it was just perfect experience, now I know better. Lotte was about 3 years old when her dad and I finally started the divorce process. Potty training, while I thought about it briefly, was rejected as not a good thing to pursue until some of the instability of her world disappeared (is that another way of saying I was lazy and didn't have a clue as a first-time mom?)

Anyway, Lotte practically potty-trained herself. She came up to me one day and said, "Mommy, I don't wear diapers anymore." I replied, "Really? Okay then let's go get some big girl panties for you." One trip to the store, 2 packages of brand new underwear, 1 set of training pants with plastic pants for over top and 2 weeks of practice. Potty training was done, finished, complete - EVEN AT NIGHT! Oh, did I tell you that she was in daycare full-time back in those days? Yeah, in retrospect her potty-training had absolutely NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with a really fabulous daycare Mama. (Don't ask me how long it took for me to realize that).

Anything and everything

We have 15 pair of training pants
ready to go right now
for Angel and Princess triplets

Back to the trio - Lotte would be so happy if I would quit discussing her potty training after all. I should tell you that we tried absolutely EVERYTHING with Sunshine triplet, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Rewards worked enough to get her to sit on the potty, but honestly I spent over a year just trying to get her to go number 1 in the potty. I have never met anyone with such a bladder of steel. The girl could hold it for 12 hours if she wanted - even with me pushing fluids as much as possible. She would simply wait until she knew she would be wearing a pull-up to go (like at night). School was as frustrated as me, well, maybe not quite, they usually only had to change one diaper/pull-up a day after all. And they certainly don't pay for them.

In the end, what worked for Sunshine, you ask? Well, it was a little meanness and the use of an old summer camp prank that actually did it. Here she was, just before bed, sitting on the potty jiggling her legs and screaming "I want a pull-up," when Tripped Up Daddy said, "tough." "You have to sit and you have to go here. We're staying right here and you're safe, but you have to go on the potty, not in a pull-up." Then he pulled out a dishpan, filled it with warm water and stuck her bare feet in the water. Within seconds, Sunshine triplet surprised herself by going pee in the potty, and not just a little. She had been holding it for hours after all. That was the moment when she finally realized there was nothing to fear about using the potty, at least for number 1. Then within days, she self-initiated bathroom time and she's only had a number 1 accident about 3 times total. That was about two months ago.

The lessons

Church NextStep Toilet Seat

So what have I learned? Well, I wish I would have realized it was fear and not really stubbornness that was the issue with Sunshine. I also realized she had almost been at the same point about 6 months earlier, but I gave in to the frantic screaming and fear by letting her have a pull-up. Had I instead stayed strong, she ultimately would have broken through and succeeded, saving us months of anxiety and frustration. I also wish I had found Potty Training Concepts a whole lot sooner. I think it would have been an invaluable resource. I wish I would have chosen a specific method of potty training that I agreed with and stuck with it. Sunshine triplet enjoys structure, maybe even more than her two triplet sisters with autism. If we had chosen a specific structured approach to the whole process and stuck with it, I think it all would have been easier. Instead, we were way too busy trying everybody's suggestions, the doctor's, mother-in-law's, friends, family members, teachers, etc., that I think it simply confused everyone, especially Sunshine. Last, while potty chairs are fine, I strongly recommend using a potty seat on the actual toilet, like the Church NextStep Toilet Seat.

Where we're headed,
sooner rather than later
we all hope.

What can I apply to the next two triplets for potty-training? Ahhh, now that's an interesting question. At this point, we will be working very closely with the girls' new ABA therapists and OT therapists regarding the process. While I've found many plans out there and even recently went to a seminar specifically for toilet training kiddos with Down syndrome (and other disabilities), I still am not sure what method is the best. Stay tuned, though, I'm sure we'll be learning a lot soon because toilet training is definitely on the goal list for both Angel and Princess triplets.

If you have any advice, I'll sure listen, because like I said, potty training stinks (even for singletons who don't have autism) and obviously I'm no expert on all of this.

Happy Dream and Wave Bye-Bye

As I walked out the door of Sunshine and Princess triplets' bedroom, Sunshine did her typical closing of the day statements.

Sunshine: "Good night, Mommy"
Me: "Good night"
Sunshine: "Happy Dream"
Me: "Happy Dream"

Sunshine repeats these closing statements again and again as you walk out the door, all the way until the door clicks shut for the night. We think it's partially because she has to have the last word in everything. It's a ritual she began a few months ago. And, every night I still hold my breath, waiting and hoping.

Princess triplet on her first day of school 2012-13

You see, once, out of the blue, as I was saying good night and only expecting a response back from Sunshine triplet, I heard a second "Happy Dream" from Princess triplet's bed. My mostly non-verbal child was wishing me a happy night just like her sister. Of course, I rushed back into the room, kissed Princess all over again and insisted that she too have a happy dream of her own.

It seems a small event, and yet, to any mother of a child with speech or milestone delays, a moment like that makes your throat catch and brings tears to your eyes. It's not just the moment in itself, it's the uncertainty of whether the moment will repeat itself at all or with any regularity. It's a moment you simply may not get again. It's a moment to treasure.

Angel triplet loves riding the bus but hates photo shoots

Every school day I stand by the bus as Princess and Angel triplets get buckled into their seats. I wait and I wave, every single day. When Grandma is there she watches me and says something like, "Do they see you?" or "I don't think they care about waving today" and I never answer those statements. I wave goodbye every day until the bus turns left and they can't see me waving.

Triplets wear "I'm the Litttle Sister" shirts to school.

Have my two autistic daughters ever waved goodbye back? No, not yet, but I still keep waving, because I'm mom and that's what moms do. They wave bye-bye to kids who stare back, sometimes without seeming recognition. Because one day, they will wave back, one day, bye-bye will be part of their social world. Or, because one day there will be another moment, like when Angel triplet looked directly into my eyes with recognition and pushed her tiny hand against the bus window as I waved. She kept her hand on the window until the bus turned left and I couldn't see her anymore. So, yes, I wave. I wave every day.

Today's post is my Mother's Day gift to all mothers of children with milestone delays or delayed development. We strive every day to teach our children, to presume competence, to hold our expectations high enough, to embrace our child's differences and yet carefully recognize the fact that it could take up to 2000 repetitions for our child with special needs to learn something that a typical child will likely learn by 200 repetitions. We balance expectations every day - not too low, not too high and realize that in addition to being mom, we get to play therapist to our very special children. Sometimes there are those days when we'd give almost anything to just be a parent, a simple, run-of-the-mill parent with "typical" expectations. The one whose kid says "You're not my best friend anymore, Mommy" on the day right before Mother's Day - the typical kid stuff - the stuff that makes you smile. Then without warning, we get a moment. A "Happy Dream" moment, a "Wave Bye-Bye" moment and all of a sudden nothing else matters but that moment. That moment when you absolutely, positively know how lucky you are to have this special child who shows you what LIFE and LOVE and JOY really are, because before that moment you know for sure you've only seen a shadow of those things.

Lotte - still too cool for school :-)

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow "special needs" Mamas. I hope you have a moment tomorrow with your very special child, but even if you don't, think back to a recent one and look forward to the one you will have in the future. You are LOVED and there's no doubt in my mind that God made you and your child especially just for each other - no other mother would do, no other child would do. You are perfectly suited for each other and tomorrow, please breathe that knowledge in all day long.

Happy Mother's Day All!

Embracing simplicity

I've had trouble with clutter my whole life. Holding garage sales, donating to charity, or simply throwing things away were difficult tasks for my parents too while I was growing up. I remember once, while helping pack my mom's kitchen for a move, finding a weirdly-shaped serving dish. The ensuing conversation shows how much holding onto too much stuff has been drilled into me.

Me: "Mom, what is this? I've never seen it before. Can we get rid of it?"
Mom: "That's a French bread server."
Me: "A what? Okay, so can we just get rid of it then?"
Mom: "Oh no, that was a wedding gift!"
Me: "Really, but we never use it. Can't we just get rid of it?"
Mom: "I've used it once I'm sure. You can't get rid of a wedding gift."
Me: "I'm sure they wouldn't even care by now Mom, who did you get it from anyway?"
Mom: "Oh, I don't remember.

BEFORE: Main floor play area - mid-day play time

I'll admit as an adult I've had an inner desire for my home to look like those fancy magazine photos or at least like my really organized friends' homes. In reality, it looks like someone vomited toys at my house, that and clutter of all kinds on almost every flat surface. It's not that we really ever wanted it this way, it's just how it seems to end up.

Angel triplet has a propensity to get into everything, pull things apart, and put everything into her mouth. I usually feel like I can't keep ahead of her. She is still a big "dumper" of toys, running from one bin to another to simply dump everything on the floor, without much functional play with any of them. Putting toys away after dumping is quite the challenge for her and usually requires someone to work with her, helping her by doing the activity with her hand over hand. Now add in a stubborn Sunshine triplet who simply doesn't want to either stop playing or needs her one-on-one attention to encourage clean up, plus a Princess triplet who just wants to wander around with various objects twirling them in her typical stimming fashion. When it's a 1 adult to 3 kids ratio, it's really tough to insist on the clean up routine. Often, you find yourself giving up and deciding to clean it up yourself after the kiddos go to bed that night. Unless, of course, you're too exhausted.

Too many toys, too much clutter and lots of dumping. It all leads to a great deal of stress. On top of that, the need for structure and organization is high with Princess and Angel triplets, even though it often looks like Angel is bound and determined to wreak as much havoc as possible. Tripped Up Mommy's natural spontaneous personality and overall cluttered approach makes it more difficult for them to order their own brains, body, and ultimately life. This is exactly the moment for intentional parenting - it's time for Mommy to get more disciplined and make things easier for them. Thanks to one of the girls' teachers, who recently spent 4+ hours with me in our house, we've made some HUGE strides in simplifying our upstairs play area. With   help from their teacher and Tripped Up Daddy's entertaining of triplets, we dug in and made a lot of little changes that added up to a huge one.

AFTER: Main floor play area - mid-day play time

Here's what we did:

1. Grouped like items quickly & put a bin together for odds & ends items that will be sorted later.
2. Reduced the total number of toys available by about two-thirds.
3. Purchased and labeled special bins where small toys can be stored.
4. Planned out new rules for the girls which included no dumping of more than one bin at a time. 
5. Created a workable plan for addressing toy boredom (switching out the toys within a planned time period).
6. Reduced the anxiety of "but where do I put all this junk on the top of a cabinet?" question by using a box to store excess clutter with the understanding it will be sorted at a later date.
7. Set up a plan of action that will make it easy for anyone (including Tripped Up Daddy, Lotte, babysitters, Grandma) to put the room back in working order within 15 minutes.
8. Took perfectionism out of the mix as much as possible 

After a week and a half of a cleaner slate, I've noticed it's a more child-friendly environment and everyone seems to be calmer. There's also more functional play from Angel and Princess triplets already.Yes, the Tripped Up Castle seems happier and less stressed. Plus, we only bought new bins so it was very economical as well. Who knew something I thought I couldn't do would help the girls so much in such a little amount of time? The re-design made a huge impact and gives me the courage to look at doing more simplifying in other areas of the home. Have you done re-works similar to this in your home or life? How did you do it and what were some of the obstacles you faced?

I don't hate your neurotypical child

Really, I don't. Hate him or her, I mean.

Is it HATE? Is it ENVY? Does it even matter?

Have I lost you already with the word neurotypical? I'm sorry, it's all part of my post diagnosis vocabulary, let's call it. Basically it means a person who doesn't have atypical neurology according to Wikipedia. I know I've been incredibly quiet over here since the diagnosis, so you might need a quick refresher on the Tripped Up Family and our unique challenges with our all girl triplets. We've struggled with speech delays and milestone delays with our triplets, noticed by us since they were about a year old and by 18 months old we sought help through our state programming. As we continued to work through the delays and other interesting behavior, it became clear that we were probably dealing with more than just the "they're triplets" and "they were preemies" excuses could account for. We pushed hard for answers and now we know that two of our triplets are on the autism spectrum with a diagnosis of classic autism. Today at 4-1/2 years old, Angel and Princess triplets are still mostly non-verbal and show plenty of stereotypical autistic behaviors. You can't miss the diagnosis anymore at all. Meanwhile their neurotypical triplet sister Sunshine has overcome her speech delays (the triplet & preemie explanation is very plausible here) and will be joining a general education class by this fall if all goes well.

Okay, consider yourself caught up.

Let's get back to hatred, or lack thereof. Hatred of neurotypical children, specifically yours. Only I don't, hate, I mean. Right, I don't hate your neurotypical child, after all, I have two neurotypical children of my own right here in the Tripped Up Castle and I love them immensely. I don't hate my kids with autism either, although I think I can safely say I do hate the autism itself. Sorry if I offended anyone in the autism community with that, but there it is, that's the fact.

I hate how every day I see kids learn and grow and say the cutest things and make everyone smile, while two of my triplets struggle with the simplest of communication, like saying "Mommy" or "Daddy" or "I want drink."

I don't begrudge the success of your neurotypical children - I celebrate them! Just like I celebrate the successes of Lotte and Sunshine triplet. I will admit, however, that in every celebration of success there's an inner struggle for me as I wonder, "will my Princess and Angel triplets ever reach that goal or one similar to it?" Will I ever just smile in wonderment with them as they show me some amazing feat they've accomplished? And the answer comes, I just don't know.

According to one of the teachers at the girls' school, a typically developing child has to repeat a skill 1 to 200 times before it becomes a learned behavior. With special needs kids, you can ramp that high number up to 2000 repetitions. And the kicker? We don't know exactly what or when our kids will learn or what or when they'll actually retain. We don't know what skills may always remain elusive for them. We live our lives trying to presume competence, trying to have high enough expectations, knowing that if we don't, then we aren't helping them to reach their full potential. It's a constant struggle, and you feel like you can never let up, otherwise you'll fail your child forever. Trust me, as a parent with special needs kids, I've become an expert at piling up the guilt on myself, been doing it for years now.

Sometimes I really want to let go of the pressure and the strain and just enjoy the marvelous wonder of my children - each and every one of them. I find I can easily do this with Lotte and Sunshine, but it's almost as if I'm afraid to let go with Princess or Angel. It all comes down to a fear of losing ground in the basics of what we have right now. The good stuff that is happening. If I'm not constantly focusing, will she forget how to use a sentence strip? Will she stop reaching out and holding my hand at dinner? Will she stop singing with me? Will she decide stimming is more important than trying to communicate?

I used to be the type of parent who believed strongly in "let kids be kids," let them play and experience, let them set the agenda. It fit my spontaneous personality quite well. As a family with triplets, and two of those triplets with classic autism, spontaneity has disappeared and been replaced by a never-ending structure. Simple parenting has been replaced by a strange mix of guiding/therapy/teaching/hoping/loving that always requires more than you ever thought you had, and you're always worried there isn't enough.

No, I don't hate your neurotypical children. Really, I don't, but in the middle of Autism Awareness Month, I do find myself still grieving the lack of typical neurology that exists for two of my children. Sometimes green eyes are pretty, sometimes they're not, and envious eyes are probably some of the ugliest around. Bear with me as I work through the grief and anger of still coming to terms with this diagnosis and what it means to our whole family.

She wants more applesauce!

When you have speech delayed toddlers, a new sign language sign used spontaneously is wonderful. We still get really excited when Princess or Angel triplets choose to sign "more" rather than simply cry for attention. While Sunshine triplet is moving forward and adding new words to her vocabulary every day it seems, we're still waiting for the same "light bulb" to click on with our other two.

At the last play group though, Angel triplet blew her teacher, Tripped Up Daddy and others away. She asked for more applesauce - "Mo appa." It was as clear as day. For the parent of a speech delayed toddler, this is a major victory! The same day, Princess triplet had a victory moment of her own during a diaper change. Her daddy said hi to her and asked her if she could say, "Hi Daddy." She replied by mimicking his words.

Needless to say, those communication efforts are wildly praised by us and everyone working with the girls. I do know that the girls probably attempt to speak and communicate more often than we even realize. Sometimes it's not clear enough for us to differentiate from the typical toddler babble, sometimes it's simply too soft, and sometimes we're just plain too busy to notice. But we really try to give as much positive feedback as we can to every attempt we recognize.

I think my first real introduction to speech delays or milestone delays in children was through a movie when I was young, Son-Rise: A Miracle of Love. It was about a family who had a third child (a boy after 2 girls) and they discovered he was autistic. Back then, autism was not nearly as well known or understood as it is today. The parents were working their own therapies with their son, Raun, because they weren't happy with the accepted forms of therapy out there at the time. For some reason, that movie stuck with me (I wasn't even a teenager when I saw it) and I'll never forget the moment when Raun actually asked for juice. The father, at work, received a phone call from his wife to say their son had asked, had communicated in his way, to ask for juice. Her husband got so excited that he left work immediately to go home, explaining to his boss that his son had asked for juice, while his boss looked at him incredulously saying in his wake, "and you have to go get it for him?"

For us, the "Mo appa" and "Hi Dadda" moments were just as big. We're moving beyond making sure we have solid eye contact to being able to expect some real verbal communication. I think all three of my triplets may really be talking soon!

Give toddlers room to grow

and amazing things happen... they start turning into preschoolers right before your very eyes.

When you have triplets, containment can be your best friend, like a fenced-in backyard, a triplet wagon, high chairs, a 12' baby gate, you know, the basics. When you struggle with milestone delays with the same triplet toddlers, containment can also be part of the problem.

Recently Tripped Up Daddy decided it was time to remove the biggest baby gate in our household. I don't know that I was completely ready for that, honestly. It meant little girls running with wild abandon throughout the house and anything not "safely out of reach" would be fair game. Maybe not so scary for those who find it easy to keep a neat house, but unfortunately the Tripped Up Family tends to be more "cluttered" than "spartan" in our decorating techniques. So this new world of "no major gate" was pretty intimidating.

Amazingly enough, it really was the perfect time to allow more freedom to the girls. All 3 of the girls seem to be advancing rapidly in development now (with little to no scary side effects - you know, like broken limbs, cracked heads, or cut fingers). They love the opportunity to roam and chase each other, climb up and downstairs at will, explore the kitchen while we cook, and chase the cats with greater ease. It's been so much fun that just two days after the "wall came down," I said, "let's pull the booster seats out and have the girls sit right up at the table for meals." So we did, and now we feel so much more like a family of 6 instead of a family of 3 and 3. It feels good and in some ways it's easier, and in some ways it's harder.

Raising triplet toddlers seems a lot like gardening. You never are completely sure when it's the ideal time to transplant a houseplant into a bigger pot, but there does come a point when there's no other choice. If you don't move a growing plant to a larger location where it can spread its roots, it will stop growing and could even die. Perhaps it didn't take a public figure like Ronald Reagan to say "tear down this wall" in our home, but I think we do realize the girls were getting a little "root-bound," if you will. Today, they have a lot more freedom to grow.

And yet, if you ask Tripped Up Daddy today, at this very moment, whether he supports his decision or not, you might get a different answer. Today's fun activities included: Princess triplet taking off pj's and dirty diaper in middle of living room while he was gathering clothes for day upstairs (who knows where that tush went), Angel triplet climbing onto top of changing table, then proceeding to pull all the baby wipes out of box and throwing them everywhere while he was making lunch, Princess triplet grabbing all the lunch plates off the counter and throwing them on the floor as Daddy rushed to rescue Angel. I haven't heard anything specific about Sunshine triplet, but there may be stories when I get home.

I think Tripped Up Daddy wants the gate back today. Instead, I think the next step is potty training, in triplicate.

"I am not dumb now"

Helen Keller's first full sentence of spoken language: "I am not dumb now!" That's powerful stuff.

Helen Keller, 1880-1968, was an American author, a political activist, and a lecturer who spoke out regularly in support of women gaining the right to vote, the rights of workers and other progressive ideas. As the first deaf-blind person to earn a college degree, it's not surprising that she also fought for the rights of people with disabilities. Keller lost her sight and hearing through illness at 19 months old and spent much of her early childhood unable to communicate with any clarity at all to those around her, including her parents. As a young child, I read her auto-biography and watched the play/film, "The Miracle Worker," more than half a dozen times. Then, when my eldest daughter was small, I remember introducing her to the amazing story of Helen Keller and her brilliantly dedicated teacher, Anne Sullivan. I have always admired the courage, intelligence and spirit of both women.

As a mother with 3 toddlers who are all speech delayed, one might imagine this story would be inspiring me almost daily during our struggles with delayed milestones. That thought would be wrong, unfortunately. I have spent the last year in battle of these delays and facing discouragement often - that and always some large doses of guilt, worry and frustration. Sure, we've had plenty of success in the past year too, but our girls are still behind their age group, so the focus of helping them catch up remains at the forefront. Never once did the story of Helen Keller ever cross my mind.

That is, until today when a friend posted this YouTube video of a 1930's news story with Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan, on her Facebook page. Suddenly, it was as if I was reading the autobiography all over again. My friend, whose daughter faces an autism diagnosis, said she was so very grateful for all special education teachers and particularly Anne Sullivan, probably the most brilliant special ed teacher of all time. With our daughters heading back into their school year regimen of early intervention to help with the delays, the timing was perfect for me to see this video. I really needed this new perspective. It's so easy to get caught up in the "my kids are behind or my kids aren't like other kids" angst. Well, hey, wait a minute! Helen Keller was more than significantly delayed in milestones - she couldn't communicate with anyone, even her closest family for YEARS. Even Anne Sullivan suffered from her own disabilities.

Neither Helen Keller nor Anne Sullivan allowed their disabilities, their "delayed milestones," if you want to put it that way, to stop them from being strong, compassionate, and hard-working women who made a difference in their world. I have three speech-delayed toddlers - and two who also struggle with other delays. Yes, that's the fact today. Today I also realize another fact, Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan refused to quit and they did great things. Helen Keller died before I was born, so I can only imagine how amazing it would have been to know such a brave and determined woman. Today, I choose to be inspired by Helen and Anne and to use that inspiration to help me teach my daughters. Tomorrow, I expect them to be strong and compassionate women.

Build language with reading and help speech delays too!



A summertime walk up the hill, with little feet, and little trips



Don't you love it when one activity can help your kids in multiple ways? Sometimes I think we forget how little things can impact their world in such a huge way. Like reading for instance. Isn't it amazing that reading to your kids can help them excel at language at an early age and also help those who are struggling with language at the same time? I wrote a little about this in a short guest post for the Reading Kingdom today.



Sometimes when you're bogged down in the monotony of parenting, working full-time, and trying to keep a house at least clean enough, it's easy to downplay the importance of the little things. I'm trying to remind myself today, and every day, that those little things like a nighttime story, a morning cuddle, and a few moments of language focused playtime really do add up to an awful lot.

What are some of your favorite "little" things to do for or with your child?