I took them to a park all by myself!

Today was the first day I felt comfortable taking the triplets to play at a park all by myself. Triplets + autism for 2 of the 3 and we hit a major milestone for Tripped Up Mommy today. Feeling hopeful!

You finally took them to a park? Yes, me, alone took my trio to a local school playground all by myself without feeling like I needed Grandma or my oldest daughter or another adult or a friendly teen to be there just in case somebody takes off running. All 3 engaged with the playground equipment functionally, including my two with autism. There was even some social play occurring. For the first time ever, this Mother of multiples felt empowered and not scared to death of elopement at a park. It may seem late to others but given all of our variables, I was beginning to wonder if it could ever happen! Full disclosure: there is a fence around much of playground, however it's a huge area and the fence still allows escape points.

Daddy Daughter Dance 2015

Tripped Up Daddy took the trio to their first Daddy Daughter Dance this past Friday. It was only possible because of the gracious help from a guy friend and his daughter (Jay & Rosemary) that we attend church with. They also happen to be teachers in the girls' church class, so they know them well and they love them dearly.

Tripped Up Daddy said the line for traditional professional photos was much too long for our trio, maybe even if we didn't have the whole autism thing to contend with. So Jay did a photo shoot in the high school lobby and then put together a video to show off the "attempts."

Enjoy "Dancing with the Starletts"

The evening itself was a hit for all three. Sunshine triplet in her typical social butterfly fashion danced with Daddy a little and then enjoyed hanging out with all her friends. Princess triplet loved the music and the lights - as evidenced by all the stimming & running around the dance floor. Angel triplet ditched the dance floor altogether and hung out with the cookies and punch most of the night. Something for everyone!

Unexpected gifts

This past weekend was filled with the unexpected. One of our favorite surprises was the warm Michigan weather that allowed our littles to play outside without coats and (for two crazy littles who couldn't be convinced otherwise) barefoot. The other favorite is shown in this picture above, seems like a fairly typical photo, but it's pretty special at the Tripped Up Castle.

Description stolen from Tripped Up Daddy's Facebook account:

Enjoying the air glider together. We've gotten close a few times earlier, but this was the first time it was initiated on its own.

Autism progress for the little Angel triplet!

This moment is brought to you through hours and hours of ABA therapy, occupational therapy, Floortime therapy, and the fantastic teachers in the ASD room. (Thanks too to the foundation provided in the ECSE programs we've used since the girls were 18 months old).

Slippery Fish or It's the little things that aren't so little after all

If you've never experienced kids with delays or special needs this might not mean much to you. If you know the struggle of meeting even one milestone amidst delays, read on.

While going potty this morning, Angel triplet (yes, I did say GOING POTTY) starts singing this song and doing the motions. Then her sister Princess triplet joins in. Yay for ABA therapy and for daily progress!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45VuWNq3cjs

Kindergarten for triplets

Our Level 1 road is currently down to one lane for resurfacing.

The Kindergarten triplet first day of school pictures didn't happen. I mean they didn't happen as a group. And that's a big day for triplets. And it's the reason for wearing matching outfits in the first place, right? The picture? The picture of three cute little girls all holding hands with their cute little backpacks on... yeah, I don't have it, maybe we'll try again tomorrow. 

In the midst of road resurfacing which has taken out the whole far side of our street (don't ask me how I'll get out of my driveway later this afternoon to pick up girls from school for therapy), getting three littles ready for two different bus schedules, accommodating the brand new "cold turkey" potty training approach which eliminates the safety net of pull-ups for any daytime hours for our two with autism, the following photos will have to do for 1st Day of School shots.

Angel triplet

More Angel triplet

Princess triplet says NO MORE PHOTOS!

Princess triplet

Sunshine triplet

More Sunshine

Jigsaw puzzle pieces

They tucked themselves in like a jigsaw puzzle.
Who knew they could still fit all in one chair like that!
Sunshine, Princess & Angel triplets.

This is the classic all in one chair pose! 4-1/2 months (3 months adjusted).
Their very first Easter photo shoot. Angel, Princess & Sunshine triplets.

Intensive potty-training - Day 1

Today marks the beginning of the New World Order in our house. Angel triplet is learning to go potty. TODAY. It's Midwinter Break so we have 2 days off from school. Tripped Up Daddy is in charge of Princess and Sunshine triplets today. I've hired a babysitter to watch the other two triplets tomorrow and Tuesday so Angel triplet and I can live in the bathroom.

We're following a regimen indicated by her ABA supervisor, and it normally works after about 2 to 3 days.

It's insane. It's programmed potty times with only 10 minute breaks in between. That's 15 minutes of sitting on the potty, then a break, and then back to the potty. We've done 4 cycles already, had one accident, and only a little balking. She can play with anything she wants while she's on the potty, and if she goes two amazing things happen: 1) SHE GETS CANDY! 2) We get to wait 45 minutes until the next scheduled potty time!

So far the best potty time activities are her Barbie B Bright computer toy and My Pal Violet. Oh and Mommy's reading electronic potty books whenever there's a lull in interest.

Tripped Up Daddy and the others went to church leaving me alone in the insanity. Actually, I think I could do this if it were just her and me. Of course, nothing, absolutely nothing else, will be accomplished today.

Wish me luck. If it works we'll be down to just 1 triplet still in pull-ups

It's no secret we're behind on this daily living skill (the girls are 5, after all), but that's not unusual when you're dealing with autism or other developmental delays. If you've followed along with us in the past you're used to reading about the potty training dilemma, if not, you can catch up pretty quickly by looking at the earlier posts (linked in this paragraph).

Selling extra diapers?!!

Where we are

I recently saw a photo of a big box of diapers for sale on a Facebook post from a local garage sale group. The title was "Selling Extra Diapers - my son potty-trained faster than I expected." Looking closer, I saw they were Pampers and I love a deal, you know. Unfortunately, they were a size 3. A size 3! I haven't seen a size 3 in this house in well over a year. I used to get excited about the Pampers Gifts to Grow program. Now that we're on size 6 diapers, there's nothing much on the reward list we don't already have, so we just get coupons for more diapers, and that's not exactly exciting.

Back to selling diapers. That mom doesn't need any diapers for her son anymore, at all. I almost cried. I am definitely not THAT MOM, and not just because I don't have a son.

I can't even imagine how it must feel to be able to say I don't need diapers anymore. In fact, I'd love to be able to say "she's potty-trained" for any of my triplets and know it means a process that's actually finished. While Sunshine triplet really only has accidents at night now, those accidents often include number 2 just as often as number 2 ends up in the potty. (Okay, I lied, we just had a Number 2 accident and it's in the middle of the day).

Potty training = nightmare

Sunshine triplet's night-time wear

Potty training is an absolute nightmare with triplets, especially when two of the trio have autism and are significantly delayed with milestones. Okay, I lie. I haven't really even tried much with Angel or Princess triplet, just some basic introductory stuff to the potty. My goal has been to get the neurotypical triplet trained which would magically make it easier for me to deal with the other two, right? Potty training my neurotypical triplet has been hell, and I've been afraid of what it will be like to really concentrate on it with my autistic daughters.

My experience with potty training in the past is minimal. I used to think it was just perfect experience, now I know better. Lotte was about 3 years old when her dad and I finally started the divorce process. Potty training, while I thought about it briefly, was rejected as not a good thing to pursue until some of the instability of her world disappeared (is that another way of saying I was lazy and didn't have a clue as a first-time mom?)

Anyway, Lotte practically potty-trained herself. She came up to me one day and said, "Mommy, I don't wear diapers anymore." I replied, "Really? Okay then let's go get some big girl panties for you." One trip to the store, 2 packages of brand new underwear, 1 set of training pants with plastic pants for over top and 2 weeks of practice. Potty training was done, finished, complete - EVEN AT NIGHT! Oh, did I tell you that she was in daycare full-time back in those days? Yeah, in retrospect her potty-training had absolutely NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with a really fabulous daycare Mama. (Don't ask me how long it took for me to realize that).

Anything and everything

We have 15 pair of training pants
ready to go right now
for Angel and Princess triplets

Back to the trio - Lotte would be so happy if I would quit discussing her potty training after all. I should tell you that we tried absolutely EVERYTHING with Sunshine triplet, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Rewards worked enough to get her to sit on the potty, but honestly I spent over a year just trying to get her to go number 1 in the potty. I have never met anyone with such a bladder of steel. The girl could hold it for 12 hours if she wanted - even with me pushing fluids as much as possible. She would simply wait until she knew she would be wearing a pull-up to go (like at night). School was as frustrated as me, well, maybe not quite, they usually only had to change one diaper/pull-up a day after all. And they certainly don't pay for them.

In the end, what worked for Sunshine, you ask? Well, it was a little meanness and the use of an old summer camp prank that actually did it. Here she was, just before bed, sitting on the potty jiggling her legs and screaming "I want a pull-up," when Tripped Up Daddy said, "tough." "You have to sit and you have to go here. We're staying right here and you're safe, but you have to go on the potty, not in a pull-up." Then he pulled out a dishpan, filled it with warm water and stuck her bare feet in the water. Within seconds, Sunshine triplet surprised herself by going pee in the potty, and not just a little. She had been holding it for hours after all. That was the moment when she finally realized there was nothing to fear about using the potty, at least for number 1. Then within days, she self-initiated bathroom time and she's only had a number 1 accident about 3 times total. That was about two months ago.

The lessons

Church NextStep Toilet Seat

So what have I learned? Well, I wish I would have realized it was fear and not really stubbornness that was the issue with Sunshine. I also realized she had almost been at the same point about 6 months earlier, but I gave in to the frantic screaming and fear by letting her have a pull-up. Had I instead stayed strong, she ultimately would have broken through and succeeded, saving us months of anxiety and frustration. I also wish I had found Potty Training Concepts a whole lot sooner. I think it would have been an invaluable resource. I wish I would have chosen a specific method of potty training that I agreed with and stuck with it. Sunshine triplet enjoys structure, maybe even more than her two triplet sisters with autism. If we had chosen a specific structured approach to the whole process and stuck with it, I think it all would have been easier. Instead, we were way too busy trying everybody's suggestions, the doctor's, mother-in-law's, friends, family members, teachers, etc., that I think it simply confused everyone, especially Sunshine. Last, while potty chairs are fine, I strongly recommend using a potty seat on the actual toilet, like the Church NextStep Toilet Seat.

Where we're headed,
sooner rather than later
we all hope.

What can I apply to the next two triplets for potty-training? Ahhh, now that's an interesting question. At this point, we will be working very closely with the girls' new ABA therapists and OT therapists regarding the process. While I've found many plans out there and even recently went to a seminar specifically for toilet training kiddos with Down syndrome (and other disabilities), I still am not sure what method is the best. Stay tuned, though, I'm sure we'll be learning a lot soon because toilet training is definitely on the goal list for both Angel and Princess triplets.

If you have any advice, I'll sure listen, because like I said, potty training stinks (even for singletons who don't have autism) and obviously I'm no expert on all of this.

Happy Dream and Wave Bye-Bye

As I walked out the door of Sunshine and Princess triplets' bedroom, Sunshine did her typical closing of the day statements.

Sunshine: "Good night, Mommy"
Me: "Good night"
Sunshine: "Happy Dream"
Me: "Happy Dream"

Sunshine repeats these closing statements again and again as you walk out the door, all the way until the door clicks shut for the night. We think it's partially because she has to have the last word in everything. It's a ritual she began a few months ago. And, every night I still hold my breath, waiting and hoping.

Princess triplet on her first day of school 2012-13

You see, once, out of the blue, as I was saying good night and only expecting a response back from Sunshine triplet, I heard a second "Happy Dream" from Princess triplet's bed. My mostly non-verbal child was wishing me a happy night just like her sister. Of course, I rushed back into the room, kissed Princess all over again and insisted that she too have a happy dream of her own.

It seems a small event, and yet, to any mother of a child with speech or milestone delays, a moment like that makes your throat catch and brings tears to your eyes. It's not just the moment in itself, it's the uncertainty of whether the moment will repeat itself at all or with any regularity. It's a moment you simply may not get again. It's a moment to treasure.

Angel triplet loves riding the bus but hates photo shoots

Every school day I stand by the bus as Princess and Angel triplets get buckled into their seats. I wait and I wave, every single day. When Grandma is there she watches me and says something like, "Do they see you?" or "I don't think they care about waving today" and I never answer those statements. I wave goodbye every day until the bus turns left and they can't see me waving.

Triplets wear "I'm the Litttle Sister" shirts to school.

Have my two autistic daughters ever waved goodbye back? No, not yet, but I still keep waving, because I'm mom and that's what moms do. They wave bye-bye to kids who stare back, sometimes without seeming recognition. Because one day, they will wave back, one day, bye-bye will be part of their social world. Or, because one day there will be another moment, like when Angel triplet looked directly into my eyes with recognition and pushed her tiny hand against the bus window as I waved. She kept her hand on the window until the bus turned left and I couldn't see her anymore. So, yes, I wave. I wave every day.

Today's post is my Mother's Day gift to all mothers of children with milestone delays or delayed development. We strive every day to teach our children, to presume competence, to hold our expectations high enough, to embrace our child's differences and yet carefully recognize the fact that it could take up to 2000 repetitions for our child with special needs to learn something that a typical child will likely learn by 200 repetitions. We balance expectations every day - not too low, not too high and realize that in addition to being mom, we get to play therapist to our very special children. Sometimes there are those days when we'd give almost anything to just be a parent, a simple, run-of-the-mill parent with "typical" expectations. The one whose kid says "You're not my best friend anymore, Mommy" on the day right before Mother's Day - the typical kid stuff - the stuff that makes you smile. Then without warning, we get a moment. A "Happy Dream" moment, a "Wave Bye-Bye" moment and all of a sudden nothing else matters but that moment. That moment when you absolutely, positively know how lucky you are to have this special child who shows you what LIFE and LOVE and JOY really are, because before that moment you know for sure you've only seen a shadow of those things.

Lotte - still too cool for school :-)

Happy Mother's Day to my fellow "special needs" Mamas. I hope you have a moment tomorrow with your very special child, but even if you don't, think back to a recent one and look forward to the one you will have in the future. You are LOVED and there's no doubt in my mind that God made you and your child especially just for each other - no other mother would do, no other child would do. You are perfectly suited for each other and tomorrow, please breathe that knowledge in all day long.

Happy Mother's Day All!

I don't hate your neurotypical child

Really, I don't. Hate him or her, I mean.

Is it HATE? Is it ENVY? Does it even matter?

Have I lost you already with the word neurotypical? I'm sorry, it's all part of my post diagnosis vocabulary, let's call it. Basically it means a person who doesn't have atypical neurology according to Wikipedia. I know I've been incredibly quiet over here since the diagnosis, so you might need a quick refresher on the Tripped Up Family and our unique challenges with our all girl triplets. We've struggled with speech delays and milestone delays with our triplets, noticed by us since they were about a year old and by 18 months old we sought help through our state programming. As we continued to work through the delays and other interesting behavior, it became clear that we were probably dealing with more than just the "they're triplets" and "they were preemies" excuses could account for. We pushed hard for answers and now we know that two of our triplets are on the autism spectrum with a diagnosis of classic autism. Today at 4-1/2 years old, Angel and Princess triplets are still mostly non-verbal and show plenty of stereotypical autistic behaviors. You can't miss the diagnosis anymore at all. Meanwhile their neurotypical triplet sister Sunshine has overcome her speech delays (the triplet & preemie explanation is very plausible here) and will be joining a general education class by this fall if all goes well.

Okay, consider yourself caught up.

Let's get back to hatred, or lack thereof. Hatred of neurotypical children, specifically yours. Only I don't, hate, I mean. Right, I don't hate your neurotypical child, after all, I have two neurotypical children of my own right here in the Tripped Up Castle and I love them immensely. I don't hate my kids with autism either, although I think I can safely say I do hate the autism itself. Sorry if I offended anyone in the autism community with that, but there it is, that's the fact.

I hate how every day I see kids learn and grow and say the cutest things and make everyone smile, while two of my triplets struggle with the simplest of communication, like saying "Mommy" or "Daddy" or "I want drink."

I don't begrudge the success of your neurotypical children - I celebrate them! Just like I celebrate the successes of Lotte and Sunshine triplet. I will admit, however, that in every celebration of success there's an inner struggle for me as I wonder, "will my Princess and Angel triplets ever reach that goal or one similar to it?" Will I ever just smile in wonderment with them as they show me some amazing feat they've accomplished? And the answer comes, I just don't know.

According to one of the teachers at the girls' school, a typically developing child has to repeat a skill 1 to 200 times before it becomes a learned behavior. With special needs kids, you can ramp that high number up to 2000 repetitions. And the kicker? We don't know exactly what or when our kids will learn or what or when they'll actually retain. We don't know what skills may always remain elusive for them. We live our lives trying to presume competence, trying to have high enough expectations, knowing that if we don't, then we aren't helping them to reach their full potential. It's a constant struggle, and you feel like you can never let up, otherwise you'll fail your child forever. Trust me, as a parent with special needs kids, I've become an expert at piling up the guilt on myself, been doing it for years now.

Sometimes I really want to let go of the pressure and the strain and just enjoy the marvelous wonder of my children - each and every one of them. I find I can easily do this with Lotte and Sunshine, but it's almost as if I'm afraid to let go with Princess or Angel. It all comes down to a fear of losing ground in the basics of what we have right now. The good stuff that is happening. If I'm not constantly focusing, will she forget how to use a sentence strip? Will she stop reaching out and holding my hand at dinner? Will she stop singing with me? Will she decide stimming is more important than trying to communicate?

I used to be the type of parent who believed strongly in "let kids be kids," let them play and experience, let them set the agenda. It fit my spontaneous personality quite well. As a family with triplets, and two of those triplets with classic autism, spontaneity has disappeared and been replaced by a never-ending structure. Simple parenting has been replaced by a strange mix of guiding/therapy/teaching/hoping/loving that always requires more than you ever thought you had, and you're always worried there isn't enough.

No, I don't hate your neurotypical children. Really, I don't, but in the middle of Autism Awareness Month, I do find myself still grieving the lack of typical neurology that exists for two of my children. Sometimes green eyes are pretty, sometimes they're not, and envious eyes are probably some of the ugliest around. Bear with me as I work through the grief and anger of still coming to terms with this diagnosis and what it means to our whole family.

The hope of babble breaks

Princess triplet surprised me yesterday when I realized her normal babble of "Princeeze" had actually broken into "I didn't do it, I didn't do it" in English. It took a second or two to realize that's a line from The Polar Express which she hasn't seen in a week or so. Rather than say this is an autistic behavior of random language usage, I'm choosing to believe she was actually asking to watch the movie. Does an out of context full sentence count as a child using sentences? Maybe not, but it does give me room for hope.

Hope is one thing I've really started to embrace in this land of special needs where I live and raise my kids. It's always a little different in families where there are kids with special needs and as parents we can often feel isolated (usually not in a good way). Lately I've been trying hard to switch my perspective on the toughest parts of the daily parenting experience of kids with autism (of preschoolers with autism, of triplets - 2 of whom seem to be in perpetual toddlerhood). Switching my perspective means looking at the things that drive me crazy, switching the lens, and choosing to see a benefit within the struggle itself. Suddenly this lens change, this change of perspective has brought me more into hope overall. It's also allowed me to see that as a special needs parent, I get to hugely celebrate the littlest milestones of my kids without anyone groaning. Nobody minds when we throw hopeful parties over here.

So yesterday's (and today's so far) hopeful party was all because of a break in babble, a break in babble into English.

And guess what? It doesn't matter how irritating that kid is in The Polar Express who repeatedly says, "I didn't do it." I can hear that from my Princess triplet for the next 2 days straight and be really excited about beginning speech patterns every single time.

The myth of parental control

You know those moments when you're feeling confident, seeing connections being made on little faces and are rewarded with a beautiful smile? Those moments when you say “I can do this! And why in the world did I think raising triplets and dealing with developmental delays was so hard?” Then you walk out of the bathroom holding the hand of a clean toddler whose teeth are freshly brushed only to discover another 3-year-old also had a discovery of her own, which left a trail of your morning coffee all along the kitchen floor, dripping down the counters through every crack and crevice? 

And there she is looking out the window, cup still in hand. It’s then you realize, as you are cleaning the “thank God it was already cold” coffee up on your hands and knees with paper towel because the mop is just too far away to grab, that not only does your floor need a better soap than coffee, but you also need a 24-hour maid. 

Then the next realization comes, the one that again admits defeat and says, parental control and 3-year-olds don’t even belong in the same sentence. At that point you clearly understand that the only parents who believe in parental control are those who HAD 3 year olds... emphasis on HAD... like maybe 3 or 4 years ago or 3 or 4 decades ago, and have forgotten reality. Or, maybe they never had 3-year-olds at all, perhaps their children miraculously went from innocent, delightful cooing baby to adorable pre-schooler in one fell swoop, skipping toddlerhood altogether. (I don't know what pill they gave their kids, but I might pay big money for one to make that happen. Of course, I probably couldn't afford it anyway since I'd have to buy it bulk to provide to the multiples crew that roams this house.)

30 seconds alone with a purple marker

It reminds me of the mom who went to the bathroom, leaving her 3-year-old and 1-1/2 year old to fend for themselves for about 5 minutes apparently much too close to a 5 lb bag of flour. I know many people believe this particular video was staged, and I won’t comment on that, but I do know what my own Sunshine triplet did with a simple purple marker just during the time I typed in “3 year old flour mess” into youtube to find the video.

Perhaps the naysayers and disbelievers have never met my Angel triplet, or any strong-willed toddler, or any exploring toddler for that matter. You see, my own mother has a story that involves flour and herself at about 2 or 3 years old. Back in the 1930s in a farming community of northern Wisconsin, my grandmother bought flour in bulk (20 lb bags) and kept the bag in her bedroom closet because she didn't have room in her kitchen. One day, my mother, little Jeanie, was playing in her mom and dad's bedroom. Can you tell where this is going? Little Jeanie had created a whole town with hills, roads, a school, a church. The building medium? Lovely white flour, found magically within reach in the closet. Thankfully she didn't think to mix it with water. It's a story I've heard for years.

These moments happen every single day here. It keeps me humble. It keeps me grateful that I don’t have to be perfect, and that I happen to believe progress is actually made in our human weakness, thank you Jesus. But I won’t say it’s not frustrating. Thankfully I have Tripped Up Daddy who knows how the chaos can be debilitating and will take 10 minutes before leaving for work to help clean up a mess here and there, just to make my day easier. 

Then there’s posts like Let's Stop with the Mom Guilt by The Happiest Mom Meagan Francis that also reminds me to ditch the negativity and frustration to the curb (as far as this pastor’s daughter and former Catholic organization employee can actually do).

In any event, I do understand that someday I will have parental control over my 3-year-olds. You know, about 3 or 4 decades AFTER they’re through the 3-year-old stage, when I have managed to remember life a little differently.

What do you do while they're in school?

The day is a race from 7:00 a.m. to 11:40 a.m. - sometimes it starts earlier, but somehow it never means I've gotten ahead of the curve. It's still a race to get three 3-year-olds fed breakfast, dressed, diapered, fed lunch, cleaned up and off onto the school bus.

Here's a look at today's last sprint, actually, right before finish line, a race that made me email Tripped Up Daddy demanding a medal, more money, better benefits, or at least lots of presents. Be forewarned: Motherhood is messy, sometimes it takes a lot more than Bissell to clean it up.

Time: 10:50 to 10:55 (I like them to be sitting down for lunch by 11 - I'm running a little late, but it's because I've been playing with them & I know lunch will be quick to do) - bus comes at 11:40 (may be late, but you always have to be ready by 11:40).

Princess has already taken her pants off, which should have been the tip off, but I knew she was just wet. I was changing Angel's dirty diaper, getting her dressed and her hair done (which is long and curly). Just about to shift to Princess (she was already dressed before breakfast because of an accident I discovered with her sleeper/diaper when I got her up earlier). I suddenly realized why her now dirty diaper smelled so bad. It wasn't so much in the diaper as it was a toddler/preschool version of play doh or modeling clay. All over her hands, bare legs, around her mouth, all of her shirt filled with it, piles on the living room floor, Tripped Up Daddy's favorite floor pillow... all that was lacking was some hay or straw and I would have been sure we lived in a barn. 

"Oh dear Lord, please show me how to best handle this one the most efficiently and with the most love for my daughters - without throwing up." (I think it became a recurring prayer through the rest of the race today and I must say it did calm me down).

"DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! GIRLS, STAY AWAY FROM ALL OF IT! NO, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

11:20 - Princess has had a quick bath (which she hated because there were no toys and mommy kept saying "we don't play in poopy"), new clothes on (for her & me), floor is mostly cleaned up, do Princess's hair amidst major tears while everyone watches Sid on PBS.

11:30 - Lunch is mac & cheese (leftover from yesterday, which only Princess really touched today) and goldfish, which everyone ate, plus whatever drink I can get my hands on. I know, it's the model of pure healthy food choices for my kids. Socks and lace-up hiking boots going on children as they eat. 

11:40 - Sunshine and Angel in coats, clean up Princess from lunch and put on coat. Sing all possible verses to the Wheels on the Bus while holding Princess's hand to keep her from scrounging off from the still messy table. (Perhaps you see the theme that Princess is our sensory focused child who is about as far from potty training as you can imagine. All of my girls have some delays in development, but Angel and Princess are still learning how to follow basic instructions. Sometimes the delays get a little challenging - you feel like you're raising kids who are at 18 months or 2 years sometimes in a 3 year old body, but I digress.)

11:43 - Bus arrives, open front door (work chain and deadbolt while commanding attention of all 3 so they don't run away into kitchen, or other parts of the house). Sunshine goes ahead out the door, sits down to get down the first step of our porch, does the next 2, then is off and running to the bus. Thank God the bus driver expects her to do that, is right at the bus steps encouraging her and ready to help. (Perhaps now I should mention we live on a well-traveled street, and I'm really thankful for the lights on the bus that cause motorists to at least be on the lookout for children traveling to the bus). I hold Princess and Angel's hands, helping them climb down the stairs and walk them to the bus.

The answer to my demand for a  medal

11:47 - Back in the house, deep breath, email Tripped Up Daddy demanding some kind of kudos and now... I have a disaster to clean up - and the teens (mine & her best friend who hangs with us most every day for a couple of hours) get here at 3 (better if it's clean by then). 

But first, I will take a lunch break - 30 min. to an hour - after all, no one's here. And the disaster? I think it will still be there when I'm done recovering.

Occupy Christmas Tree

99% of our Christmas ornaments are adorning just 1% of the  Christmas tree - the upper echelon of the tree, actually. The other 1% of the ornaments are broken and awaiting repair or are functioning as new seasonal toys for three 3-year-olds.

Occupy Christmas Tree!

My mother-in-law assures me that from outside the house, in the dark, nobody knows what's really going on with our tree.

Actually I think that new Elf on a Shelf idea should really be about an elf who will magically repair all decorations destroyed by exploring 3 year olds - on a nightly basis. After all, aren't magic elves supposed to alleviate work, not make more?

All I know is Lotte is really hoping for a truly decorate-able Christmas next year. The triplets will be 4 by then, here's hoping.

Christmas in the midst of triplets.

Random acts of mothers and strangers

Have you ever reached the end of a day, looked back, and thought, "OMG, everything I did, all day long, was so random, I have no idea what I actually accomplished?" 

Ummm, "Tripped up," you say, "that's MOTHERHOOD, didn't you get the memo?"

When I stayed home full-time with the triplets for their first 15 months, I really did sense that randomness every day. It was only as I was able to pull away here and there from the constant needs of the baby x3 world, that I could begin to see those random acts adding up to something more, something that could be considered vital, as vital as helping babies to someday become people who can help change the world. (That may be the longest run-on sentence I've ever written in my life, but that's also how those days felt too).

A recent errand Saturday brought up another view of random. It began with a shopping excursion that may seem random, but is actually intentional. It's hard to get our toddlers out and into the world often, especially when we take all 3, but it's important for their development to see new surroundings and have new experiences. It's also important for us to give prime attention to one at a time. So every Saturday I try to take one triplet with me on what we call a "singleton outing." It usually involves the farmer's market, grocery store or other errand and may include lunch out with mom. Saturday's was Sunshine's turn.

A simple trip to the mall to return an item, lunch, and grocery shopping was on the docket. It started out okay in the van. Then a (lunchtime is nearing) start time, toddler slightly battling a cold, and the long ride through a construction zone culminated in some edgy behavior at the second waiting line. As we waited, I did what every mother would when a temper tantrum feels 10 seconds away and she’s just 1 person away from being helped. Talk, distract, hold, smile, sing, tickle, and finally ignore the fists being pounded on the floor in frustration. Two women interacted with me at that time (besides the clerk). The one was clearly full of disdain for a mother who couldn’t control her nearly 3-year-old at noon in a department store waiting line. The other smiled and said, “I have days like that sometimes.” I mentioned this was one of our triplets and was a special outing just her and I, but she seemed a little “off her game today.” It seemed to impress the kinder lady, while solidifying my inability to parent for the other. (Keep in mind, there was never an out and out tantrum, just some frustration from a toddler who would have been completely happy to hold my hand and walk around the store or to be pushed in a moving stroller – JUST DON’T MAKE HER WAIT IN LINE!) We managed to finish the errand in relative short order without irritating too many people and then it was off to Red Robin for lunch.

Sunshine and I truly enjoyed each other at lunch. Get a little food in a hungry toddler's belly and it's amazing how quickly edgy behavior can disappear. We practiced talking, we looked at colors, she ate a very soupy macaroni & cheese meal with a big girl spoon and loved it all - especially the pink balloon at the end. I went to pay for our meal and here's really where random comes in. 

"Actually," the server said, "that's all taken care of."

"What?" I said.

"You don't have to pay, that was taken care of for you," she replied.

"By who? I don't know anyone here," as I looked around, confused. (I don't live in a huge city or anything, but my metro area is too big to always meet a neighbor every time you go out).

"It's a secret," she answered. "Don't question it, just enjoy it, and have a great day."

One of my dear friends, D, who is the most generous woman I know and also has much to share, often feels impressed by God to buy a random stranger's lunch, or something like that. I've seen it happen and it's beautiful, but D was nowhere near that restaurant - I know that. I did think I may have glimpsed that kind lady from the check-out line out of the corner of my eye, but really I'm not sure. I have no idea who bought our lunch that Saturday; I can tell you the gift sure put a smile on my face.

Have you ever been the giver or the recipient of a random act of kindness? Have you ever felt like the random acts of motherhood weigh you down so much that you forget the bigger picture and what you're doing with all the random (cleaning kitchen floor, again, changing dirty diaper that was clean just 5 minutes ago, washing same dirty t-shirt) sort of activities? I'd love to read your stories!

Give toddlers room to grow

and amazing things happen... they start turning into preschoolers right before your very eyes.

When you have triplets, containment can be your best friend, like a fenced-in backyard, a triplet wagon, high chairs, a 12' baby gate, you know, the basics. When you struggle with milestone delays with the same triplet toddlers, containment can also be part of the problem.

Recently Tripped Up Daddy decided it was time to remove the biggest baby gate in our household. I don't know that I was completely ready for that, honestly. It meant little girls running with wild abandon throughout the house and anything not "safely out of reach" would be fair game. Maybe not so scary for those who find it easy to keep a neat house, but unfortunately the Tripped Up Family tends to be more "cluttered" than "spartan" in our decorating techniques. So this new world of "no major gate" was pretty intimidating.

Amazingly enough, it really was the perfect time to allow more freedom to the girls. All 3 of the girls seem to be advancing rapidly in development now (with little to no scary side effects - you know, like broken limbs, cracked heads, or cut fingers). They love the opportunity to roam and chase each other, climb up and downstairs at will, explore the kitchen while we cook, and chase the cats with greater ease. It's been so much fun that just two days after the "wall came down," I said, "let's pull the booster seats out and have the girls sit right up at the table for meals." So we did, and now we feel so much more like a family of 6 instead of a family of 3 and 3. It feels good and in some ways it's easier, and in some ways it's harder.

Raising triplet toddlers seems a lot like gardening. You never are completely sure when it's the ideal time to transplant a houseplant into a bigger pot, but there does come a point when there's no other choice. If you don't move a growing plant to a larger location where it can spread its roots, it will stop growing and could even die. Perhaps it didn't take a public figure like Ronald Reagan to say "tear down this wall" in our home, but I think we do realize the girls were getting a little "root-bound," if you will. Today, they have a lot more freedom to grow.

And yet, if you ask Tripped Up Daddy today, at this very moment, whether he supports his decision or not, you might get a different answer. Today's fun activities included: Princess triplet taking off pj's and dirty diaper in middle of living room while he was gathering clothes for day upstairs (who knows where that tush went), Angel triplet climbing onto top of changing table, then proceeding to pull all the baby wipes out of box and throwing them everywhere while he was making lunch, Princess triplet grabbing all the lunch plates off the counter and throwing them on the floor as Daddy rushed to rescue Angel. I haven't heard anything specific about Sunshine triplet, but there may be stories when I get home.

I think Tripped Up Daddy wants the gate back today. Instead, I think the next step is potty training, in triplicate.

The advance of the Republic of Babyland

Tripped Up Life was not the first contemplated as the title of this blog. Among the many others was Tripped Up Daddy's favorite, The Republic of Babyland. He seems to often think of raising triplets as fighting a war, and the advancing horde is the trio of babies turned toddler, fast approaching preschool ages.

For a moment or two, let's indulge the militaristic theme. The Republic of Babyland referred to all those areas of the house "owned" or occupied by the babies - that used to be bassinets, cribs, bouncy seats, blankets on the floor, etc. - all of which took up a lot of room, but still seemed somewhat controlled. As the girls grew more mobile, we put baby gates up everywhere to deal with the "baby-proofing" issues. The biggest one was 12' long and divided the kitchen from the rest of the great room. It was a God-send and allowed us some sanity as we cooked meals or just needed a break from the constant "getting into everything" times 3 chaos. It also allowed us to see and respond quickly to any issues.

It's open season in the kitchen now.

Today, the Republic of Babyland (or Toddlerhood by now) advanced. We removed the 12' gate so it can go to another area of the home we're not quite ready to allow the toddlers ready access. That means the kitchen, which used to be a triplets' area "when accompanied only" is now officially part of their ready domain. That means three toddlers will be underfoot and stealing food during meal prep (Princess), will be helping to pay bills at the kitchen desk (Sunshine), and will be regularly attempting to climb onto and stand on the dining room table (Angel). Oh, and did I mention, the stairs will be open to the second floor? Yeah, that's part of this deal too.

All three of our cats are skittish tonight as they walk around the kitchen area. It's been two and a half years since the great room was un-gated. The poor cats will have little retreat area, except for the basement, from screaming toddlers who just want to love them.

It may be time to be afraid - to be very afraid.

Why I don't brag about my nanny

When someone provides excellent service, you tip well, right? Or at least spread lots of compliments around, right? If it's a nanny who's doing the work, many people brag to family and friends about it. I don't. Here's why:

1. I'm secretly afraid the nanny will quit. Okay, yes I know this is crazy. If you've hired a great nanny and everything is going well, why would you worry about that employee quitting if you just start bragging a little? Here's the thing, after hiring a live-in nanny a month before Tripped Up Daddy's internship started, then bragging to anyone who would listen how fabulous she was the first 2 days of work, the 4th day brought a sharp change. Our 3 cats made it difficult for her to breathe and breathing tends to be important. So it was a quick search for a new nanny. The day after I bragged about the new nanny, she quit without notice. Call me superstitious if you want, but bragging doesn't come easy to me anymore.
2. I don't want to admit she's better with my kids than I am. Yep, this is the Mother Guilt piece - the one that creeps up whenever I've paid someone to watch my own kids. It's that inner voice that says, "what if your kids will end up liking her better than you?" Or even worse, what if she's just better at raising your kids than you are altogether? When you see your nanny completely unflappable no matter what the craziness is that's occurring in the house, it's easy to feel a bit inadequate as a Mom, at least it is for me. That's when I smile and tell myself, "hey, that's why I hired that nanny, and you know what, I'm pretty smart for doing that for my kids." But, that doesn't mean I have to broadcast the fact that she can get my temper-tantrum throwing child back on track faster than I can.
3. I don't want you to steal my nanny. This may be the most obvious reason for anyone. When you have a line on something that's a rare commodity, you try to keep it to yourself, right? Oh, maybe that's just when you have triplets and you really know how hard it is to find a steady babysitter. When I was little I remember seeing re-runs of The Dick Van Dyke Show (I said re-runs, no I'm not that old) and I'll never forget one episode that had to do with Laura's (Mary Tyler Moore) amazing culinary skills. She brought a yummy dish to a party and everyone raved about it. When asked by the neighbor and even her best friend for her recipe, she conveniently left out just 1 ingredient. No one was ever able to make "her" dish. After all, that was her crowning achievement apparently. I guess I fall into that camp a little. At least in regards to the person (or people) I've hired to watch my darlings. So if you do happen to notice how wonderful my nanny is and you ask for her phone number, I don't guarantee that number will really work.

Those are just a few reasons for my "no-brag nanny or sitter" policy. So what about you? Do you brag about your child's caretaker? Why or why not? Do you have any horror stories about finding a sitter/nanny? Or maybe you're lucky and it's always been easy for you. Share your thoughts!

Just one more thing

Ever felt like that server at your favorite restaurant who manages to always add one more thing to the tray, no matter how much is on the tray already? Or, maybe it's more like "The Cat in the Hat" when he says, "But that is not all I can do, oh no that is not all..." If you've ever felt either way, than you know exactly where Tripped Up is these days.

Because working full-time out of the house and managing a "triplet & teen" household in the midst of a commuting marriage is simply not quite enough, I've also added a new writing gig into the mix. Tripped Up is now a local examiner for Examiner.com, and I'll be writing posts about child care and the surrounding issues. I think it fits nicely with my overall niche of writing about parenting anyway and, you know, what mother can't handle "just one more thing," after all, right?

It may be that I need therapy, it may be that I'm attempting to sabatoge my whole life, or it may simply be I really like to write, who knows. In any case, I'm open for you to suggest post ideas for the Tripped Up Life blog as well as my Examiner.com page.

Oh and the request for quick, easy meals and other miraculous time-saving ideas? Yeah, still open for that too. Although, I will say finding a meal planning/recipe building-sharing/shopping list site has really helped with the dinnertime organization. But there's always laundry, house upkeep, and so many other places that organizational tips could be utilized... So, send any helpful tips my way, I promise to try them out and applaud loudly when they work!

Five ways to get more sleep, even with triplets

As you can imagine, sleep is often in short supply at the Tripped Up Family home, and I'm certain it's the same at many other homes too. There are always plenty of reasons for why I don't get a full night of sleep, and as long as the coffee pot's working well in the morning I usually just push on through.

The sad fact, however, is that prolonged "sleep debt" does far more than make you desperate for a caffeine I.V. According to the National Sleep Foundation, it "can also lead to serious health consequences and jeopardize your safety and the safety of individuals around you. For example, short sleep duration is linked with: increased risk of motor vehicle accidents, increase in body mass index – a greater likelihood of obesity due to an increased appetite caused by sleep deprivation, increased risk of diabetes and heart problems, increased risk for psychiatric conditions including depression and substance abuse, and decreased ability to pay attention, react to signals or remember new information." That's some pretty serious consequences.

So lately I've been thinking about how to address the sleep deprivation at our home, and I've come up with five tactics to help us (well, mostly me). I'm thinking they may be helpful for others too:

1. Establish a real and earlier bedtime - That may not sound earth-shattering or brilliant, but if you're anything like me, bedtime is usually this phantom "when the work gets done" or when I'm so exhausted I can't move anymore time. Instead, set up a reasonable bedtime and then keep it - set a timer if you have to. The key is reasonable - as in allowing you to get a little closer to the suggested hours of sleep needed for adults, but still leaving room for your daily routines.
2.  Stop the "just one more thing" pattern - Do you suffer from "just one more thing-itis?" Common symptoms include making statements like, "I'm heading to bed as soon as I fold one more load of laundry," or "I'm calling it quits as soon as I finish this one last thing." Invariably, I always find "one more thing" to do after I've finished the first thing and it goes on and on. Instead, make a list of the non-negotiables that must be done before the end of the day. If you have time to get beyond the non-negotiables before your reasonable bedtime, great, if not, save it for the weekend, or better yet, delegate it.
3. Seriously evaluate your non-negotiables and learn to delegate - When you write down your non-negotiable tasks for each day, be honest. What really, really, really has to be done? While all of us would like a spotless home at the end of the each day, is it really more important than getting your needed sleep? (Remember the consequences of sleep deprivation - somehow a dusted bookshelf doesn't hold as much weight in comparison). Once you've come up with your list of "Must be dones," decide what you could delegate to your partner, an older child, the nanny, etc. 
4. Don't jump headlong into "the do more at night for a better morning" routine - Ever read those wonderful articles that tell you how to have a smoother morning? If you have, you'll soon see many of the tips involve planning ahead (which isn't a bad thing) and doing more the night before. Sometimes there are so many things to do the night before, that you could end up staying up far later than you should preparing for a better morning. While many of the ideas are great, be sure to consider any extra nighttime tasks when you develop your daily non-negotiables. I think if you get more rest, you'll begin to have more energy and perhaps can add more to your list, but at the beginning, just stick with those non-negotiable tasks.
5. 30 minutes to bedtime is not screen time - You only have a few minutes until that established bedtime of yours, and you haven't had much "fun" or adult time all day. Watching TV or browsing online (Facebook, twitter and more) seems perfect. Fair warning though, if it's too close to bedtime, you may get sucked into the "screen time vortex" only to pull yourself out of it hours later. And there goes the hope of a reasonable, established bedtime. Set your own limit for when screen time is just plain too close to bedtime to be managed well.

These tips may seem to simply be tricks you play on yourself to get to bed earlier, and perhaps that's all they are. As a person who loves spontaneity, I often find that I need to trick myself into some structure that's good for me, otherwise I'll be doing who knows what at whatever time and letting my sleep become the first victim of it all. Perhaps you're more disciplined than I, and if so, I applaud you. Maybe you have some even better ideas than I do, if so, I'd love to hear about them!